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Monday, June 20, 2016

Or For Worse



A Sunny Monday Morning in Philadelphia...Two of my good friends were at city hall to get their marriage licenses...I had no idea that this event was going to draw me into one of my strangest capers...Well under normal circumstances...It wouldn't have..It shouldn't have....But this being me...It did..


My good friends Bonnie and Ronald Shay were getting married , for the second time to each other...and they were in the office of registrations, applying for a marriage license...
 ''Wow Ronnie, remember when we did this so many years ago? How young and afraid we were?" gushed Bonnie .
"I do Bon-Bon...I was so afraid and nervous  I was shaking..but not so much now."he said..

''Nah... We 've done this before...We are both old pros at this now." said Bonnie Shay, a very smart Insurance Investigator and Attorney I had worked with on two or three seperate cases...

"You're right Bon-Bon...We are old pros at this." he said and smiled lovingly at her...

The clerk looked at Ronald's paperwork....

"Everything is in order here Mr. Shay...So let me get this straight...You got divorced from her six years ago and you two are getting married again right?To each other??"she said.

"That's right." said Ronald Shay...smiling sheepishly and gazing lovingly at Bonnie.

"Awwww that's sweet..Ms. Shay...Can I see your divorce papers?" asked the clerk...

Bonnie presented her divorce papers.....

The clerk looked them over and smiled...

"Alright...Now how about your second divorce papers?" she asked.

"Huh? What?  He's the only guy I've ever been married to..What are you talking about?" said Bonnie Shay.

"Uhhh No...According to our records...You're still married to Waymond Johnson of Atlantic City...and you have been for three years!"she said.

 "WHAT??? WAYMOND JOHNSON....OH MY GOD NOOOOOO!" said Bonnie in Horror..

Ronald Shay found the whole thing surprisingly humorous...

"Who is Waymond Johnson and what kind of name is Waymond?" he laughed...

''Some guy I met three years ago in AC..... I partied with him one lost weekend...and we got very drunk...but I can't believe we are married...I haven't seen him since that weekend..He's a loser."said Bonnie..

"But he was cute right?"laughed Ronnie..

''Well..uh, yes...but I didn't willingly marry him!!!...It was one boozy and hazy marijuana  day!!!He tricked me somehow...Oh God noooooo.."she said.


The clerk was enjoying this immensely and thinking to herself...


''Wait til I tell Corrine this!"

"Damn...I'm sorry for laughing Bon-Bon...It's just I can't imagine you doing something like this...This..This seems like something...."

"Like something YOU would do right?" said Bonnie Shay ,clearly upset....

"YES!"he laughed......Finally, he stopped laughing...."So what...What are we going to do Bon-Bon.?" he asked.

"You still want to marry me Ronnie?" she asked..

"Bon-Bon...I can't wait to marry you..." he said...

"Well, I hate to say this...but you gotta wait...You gotta find this guy and get him to sign divorce papers...but until then...there is nothing I can do for you."said the clerk...


"Oh My God...I'm in a mess...and there is only one person I know ,who can get me out of it..."said Bonnie Shay...



II-

 This is where I come in...My name is Kevin Morris...I'm a Private Investigator.....I help folks that can't go anywhere else for help.

It was a lazy,crazy Hazy Day of summer...The temperature was nearly 98 degrees in the shade!

My wife, Sepia had just waved goodbye to our daughter....Kimberly...She was at the day care center for the day...We ordered a couple of Italian Hoagies and some chips and we drove home...

Neither of us was at work today...

"This is so nice Kevin...Both of us off from work today...."said Sepia..

"I know babes...You don't have any homes to show...I'm off from work and not involved in any cases..."I laughed...

She laid the hoagies down on the table...

I put my arms around her waist...and kissed her neck...

"Ummmmmm baby...why don't you hold that thought...I'm kind of hungry...I would like to eat first." she said..

I pulled her towards me and kissed her passionately and slowly for a few minutes...I ran my hands up her white sundress and rubbed her hips and her soft brown legs...I began to ease her panties down...She shivered a bit...

"Are you sure?" I asked as I turned her towards me and kissed her passionately...

"Ouuuu...I-I- I'm not sure...ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.."she moaned...We continued kissing passionately....

"Ohhhhhhh.."I moaned..

"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..put the hoagies in the refrigerator...ouuuuu" she moaned...Kissing me slower and softly.....

"Oh My God Sepia !"I moaned ,kissing her neck, her earlobes and once again her soft lips....

"Ouuuuuu Kevinnnn...ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu."she moaned softly....

And then the door bell rang..!

"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd it looks like we're gonna eat." I said.

"Sit down and calm yourself down lover boy..I'll get the door..and get rid of whoever it is."said Sepia..who straightened her clothes out..

I was sweating and very much aroused....I took a paper towel and wiped my brow and sat down at the table...

But when Sepia got to the door...She found a sobbing Bonnie Shay...

"Sepia..I am so sorry to bother you....Is your husband here?...I stopped by his office...They said he was off today....I need his help...I'm in big trouble."said Bonnie Shay...

"Oh My God Bonnie..Come in..Yes he's here..."said Sepia...."What's the matter baby? What kind of trouble are you in?"asked Sepia...

I saw Bonnie out of the corner of my eye...She was crying...

"Hey Bonnie..What's going on? What's Wrong?" I asked..

"I need your help Kevin...If you can't help me...I'm afraid Ronnie and I can't get married next week."she sobbed..

''What?  Ronnie get cold feet or something? You want me to talk to him?" I asked. Ronnie sounded like a man who couldn't wait to get married,I mused..

"It's not Ronnie...It's me....We went to get our marriage licenses and I found out...I'M ALREADY MARRIED AND HAVE BEEN FOR THREE YEARS!!" she blurted out.


"WHAT???" said Sepia and I in unison....

"It's a long story.."said Bonnie..

"I bet it is....Go on...I'm listening."I said.

III-
ATLANTIC CITY- THREE YEARS AGO....FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND-


 "It all began three years ago ,Atlantic City...It was the fourth of July weekend...I was lonely...I had been divorced for three years and had dated sporadically...I was still living in New York City....I was just in Atlantic City for the 4th of July Weekend...Then I was planning to come over here to Philly to see some old acquaintances....Sepia girl, I had on this cute little Aqua skirt with a matching string Bikini on underneath...I was sitting at a little table at one of the beach bars..I couldn't find any girlfriends to make the trip with me, They all were spending the weekend with their boyfriends...So I made the trip solo.. To say I was depressed being on the beach all alone was an understatement...I preceded to drink my troubles away...

I had probably had wayyy too much to drink....I had downed about four drinks ,when he showed up." said Bonnie..

"You're uh future husband."I said with a wry smile on my face...

"KEVIN, STOP IT" said Sepia...

''Oh My God...I can't wrap myself around the fact that I'm somehow married to him.."said Bonnie.

''Was he at least cute?" asked Sepia.

"Sepia girl, oh My God girl yesssss...He was...And that was the only thing good about him.....He was a nice size..Athletic Build....Had on some nice trunks...Came to his knees and a straw hat....Fine as he wanted to be and he smelled like he had just got out of the shower and splashed on a nice cologne...He had a melodic voice..He was very attractive...Waymond Johnson..Waymond"Freaking" Johnson" said Bonnie..

''With a name like Waymond?" I said , laughing..

"Don't mind my silly husband...Go on Bonnie.."said Sepia..

" He came up to me and he smiled...and he said -''I just know a pretty and fine young thing like you isn't sitting here alone."  I looked at him and said -''And how can you be so sure?" and He said "Because I've been watching you since you came in here...You've been in here for about two hours now, downing one drink after another and no one has joined you...You're here by yourself aren't you?" he said...He had the nicest smile..

"Okay...so I'm alone." I said.

"My name is Waymond..Waymond Johnson..I'm uh ..uh an Analyst with uh a very important company in Philadelphia...You live in Philly?" he asked.

"No...Not anymore...I'm from Philly..but I've lived in New York City for quite some time..."I said.

"Yeah? What part?  I got people in Brooklyn.."he said.

"I have an apartment in Queens....but I'm a lawyer...I work in Manhattan."I said.

"Ohhhhhhhh...Ohhhhhhhh I see...What part of Philly were you from...I grew up in North Philly." he said.

"I grew up in West Philly, but after my parents divorced...I spent time with my dad in South Philly and then with my Mom, who moved to West Oak Lane..."I said.

"Plannin on goin to Philly to uh visit your folks?" he asked..

"They're both deceased.."I said.

"Ohhh,sorry....Anyway..Hold up...Waiter....Double up what the lady is having and I'll have the same."he said.

"What you trying to do, get me drunk?" I asked.

''You've done a quite good job of doing that on your own." he said.

He had an easy laugh...an easy smile...I don't know if it was the liquor or my hormones or what...but I was slowly aroused and attracted to this man who I had just met...before I knew it...I was telling this handsome stranger my life story...

"You know..I was born and raised here...My name is  Actually...Bernadette Bonnie Williams....but I've been called "Bonnie" my whole life...I went to Temple University in Philly...and then lived in New York City for awhile....I'm a Lawyer by vocation...Got my J.D. from NYU...I practiced law in New York City for awhile.. Was a Public Defender for three years and then I was an ADA for another three...Then I got an MBA...and went into Accounting and the corporate world.....I got married for awhile, To a guy named Ronald Shay. He is also an Attorney..He was from Philly too...That's how we got close...You know...two people from the same place far away from home...then divorce..." I heard myself saying..

"You mean someone had a beautiful woman like you and he let you go?  Mannnn that brother is crazy...he must be kicking himself...I should kick him...Where is he?" he asked.

''In California.. I haven't seen him in three years.." I said.

''You two got married too young huh?" he asked.

"Yeah..you know how it is..Ronnie??? That's my ex-husband's name...He was a good guy..a bit immature, but what young guy isn't?...Yes..He is a lawyer too...We talked about buying a house and having kids...We were both going in two different directions it seemed... He's not really a bad guy ,Neither one of us gave our marriage the chance it should have had...We both bailed when things got rough......."I said and started crying...That was the alcohol...

He soothed me...

"Now..Now..Now...look a here..look a here...Don't cry pretty lady...Come on..let's get out of here..."he said..

When it came time to pay the bill he fumbled for his wallet..

"I'll be damned..I seemed to have left my wallet back in my hotel room..I'm awfully sorry." he said.

I had my pocketbook...I paid the bill, and his bill, which combined was close to $70.00 and left a tip...

We walked along the beach and then we went back to his hotel room..I did something crazy Sepia..Something I haven't done since High School..He had some good weed and I smoked a lot of it with him."said Bonnie.

"Oh My God Girl..."said Sepia....

"I can't picture you getting high..."I said.

"That was my first time since high school and my last time to date... I remember him saying to me..

"Bonnie...you ever ..well you believe in love at first sight? You believe in meeting someone and just knowing she was the one for you?" he asked me..

''What are you trying to say?" I asked him..

"I'm sayin..I have a feelin about you...I've had it since I met you....That me and you should be together...forever..." he said..

"I barely know you...I don't know you.." was all I remember saying...I know we smoked some more and drank some wine and we left his place and we walked around Atlantic City...All night...


I vaugely remember coming back to his hotel room...

He unstrapped my top and kissed the tips of my breasts through my bra.....I continued kissing him passionately....and moaning..My hands ran across the crotch area of his trousers...I felt how hard he was..

"Oh My god!"I found myself saying...

He lifted my blouse....I had on an aqua bikini..His eyes nearly came out of his head..

"Lawdddd today, look at these jugs." he exclaimed!!!

I giggled...I was soo high...

We both devoured each other's lips passionately right in the doorway..


He entered me...slowly, very slowly....

He took his time and entered me and went in and eased out ,slowly, savoring my wetness and  warmness like a diner savors a fine steak...

"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.."I found myself moaning as Waymond
began to make sweet love to me...on his bed...
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" he moaned.....

  I wrapped my legs around his waist ,so he could take all of me...and he didn't dissapoint...

The bed was soon rocking back and forth furiously...the headboard softly slamming against the wall...
We made love a good seven hours straight...It was like he hadn't had any in a long time...He couldn't seem to get enough and neither could I...I never felt a man come so hard before...His body seemed to shake the whole room....

After he came..We were both lying there sweating....It was July and there was no AC in this place he was in...

He was crying like a baby...

I turned to him...I said ..''Waymond...Waymond what's wrong baby?" I said.

He was like a different guy...

''Don't call me baby..." he said, sobbing...

''Huh? What's wrong?" I asked..

''What have I done? Oh GOD ,WHAT HAVE I DONE??" he asked himself..

I didn't know what to make of that...I just dozed off to sleep...

When I woke up he was gone!!! All of his things were gone and there was loud knocking on the door..

I quickly put on my clothes and went to the door....

"Alright Johnson....CHECK OUT TIME!!!" said the man...

I ran in the bathroom, there was no sign of him....I looked around...There was no clothing...No Nothing..

''He's gone!" I said..

The man took a sniff...

"From the smell of things, you two were up here getting high.....That bum has been livin here for two weeks..This aint a rooming house...It's a Hotel...He owes me money....Do you know where he might be?" the man asked..

"No..No..I just met him last night..."I said.

He looked at me like I was trash...

"He snookered you too huh?  If I was you...I'd get the hell out of here now and don't look back and don't even try to find that bum...You look like a nice girl...How is it all you girls allow that deadbeat bum to snooker you all?" he asked.

"All You Girls?  How many girls has he brought up here?" I asked.

He didn't answer...He just looked at me and smiled...

"Just be out of here in one hour!" he said.

I got  my pocketbook ,put on my sandles and left....He hadn't stolen my credit cards, but he had taken about $500.00 in cash...Leaving me with about $150.00 dollars...I felt like such a fool...I had violated all of my rules..Sleeping with a stranger, getting high, sleeping with a man on the first date...I decided to never bring this episode up again, not ever and you can't tell Ronnie..." said Bonnie.

"We won't...but Bonnie...he already knows you're married to this man..you have to tell him something... I suppose you probably could leave specifics out." said Sepia, who hugged Bonnie.

''Oh My God...I can't believe I'm actually married to this clown...Why would he marry me? Why do that and then jump up and leave me the next day and steal some of my money?" said Bonnie.

"Too Late for questions like that Bonnie...You have grounds to get the marriage annulled I'm sure..Tomorrow, you and I will go and talk to Olivia and Beverly and find out what you can do legally, then You and I are going to try and locate this guy...If he's dead...you got nothin to worry about...If he's alive..We find him and get him to sign those papers...Okay?" I said.

"Oh Thank you...Thank you sooo much guys...I'm sooo sorry for burdening you with my problems."said Bonnie..

"Nonsense Bonnie girl...You're like Family...You are family...You're back in Philly now..We are going to work it out!" said Sepia..

"Bonnie,I gotta hand it to you girlfriend....Never a dull moment when you're around!" I said smiling...

(TO BE CONTINUED)



12 comments:

James Perkins said...

No...LMAO! It never is a dull moment when the lovely Ms. Shay is around!

Lisa said...

Must have been some out of sight weed...How did she not remember getting married?

Toni said...

Keith,Keith ,Keith...How do you come up with this stuff! LMAO!

Angie B. said...

Now that was some good Hydro! LMAO!

Vanessa said...

Angie girl, you aint never lied...Girl got married and so blasted she don't remember it!

Sunflower said...

This story is outrageously funny....It looks like it's going to be fun!

Halo said...

Poor Bonnie! A one night stand has turned into something else altogether!

Brenda said...

Talk about being in a bad situation!LMAO!

Cheryl said...

This story is too funny..I feel sorry for Bonnie...He must have been fine and that weed must have been off the chains!

Rita said...

What kind of kook does that? Marries a stranger???...I'm talking about this guy.He got the booty....Why did he have to marry her?? He sounds a little thrown off!

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Rita, you took the words out my mouth...He got the booty and stole her money...His new Wife!What a way to start a marriage..LOL!

Anonymous said...

STANDING AND APPLAUDING AND THROWING MY PANTIES!