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Monday, January 7, 2013

We Regret To Inform You...

Sepia and I were lying across our bed one lazy morning, weeks after I cracked my last case just talking and basking in the morning sunshine...Sepia was in deep thought...

''What are you thinking about so deeply ?" I asked.

She smiled, then looked at me with a side eye....

''I thought women asked men that question Kevin." she said.

I smiled...

"Yeah, you're right..." I said.

"I was just thinking about how when I first came to Philly, I barely knew you...Just thought you were some horny fan of my blog that I was going to meet, get a good meal from , uhh maybe sleep with and then return to North Jersey." she said with a smile.

"Yeah, and then you got me embroiled in a multiple murder case that involved your ex-boyfriend and wound up sending your mother to prison for life..." I mused thinking of those early days...

"I barely knew you and I knew I couldn't go back to North Jersey...All my friends were dead, I had no job ,I had no place to stay....and you let me crash here....I didn't plan to stay any longer than a week with you at first..." she said.

I laughed as we now stood at the window looking out....




"Funny isn't it?...a week turned into months..." I said.

"Yeah and months turned into a year and the next thing I know you were asking me to marry you." she laughed.

"And look at you now...Part owner of a real estate company...not to mention part ownership of my company...driving a Lexus and a married lady." I joked...

"Yeah...I did pretty well for myself." she mused and kissed me on the neck..

From the window, I saw the mailman delivering the mail.....I decided to go down and get it...

II-





I heard the shower running as I walked down the stairs and leafed through the mail...There was an electric bill, a gas bill, a water bill, a cable and internet bill and a phone bill...I tossed them in the bill basket to the side...

There was another peculiar letter addressed to me that wasn't a bill... I opened it as I walked back up the stairs and into our bedroom where Sepia was getting dressed..

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's a letter from a lawyer...Cyrus J. Tickle....He is saying that my Uncle, William Bailey Morris has died...and that he needs to see me about certain matters." I said.

"Certain matters? Certain matters like what?" asked Sepia.

''I don't know...I don't think my uncle had any money...I visited him a few times....remember?" I asked.

"Yes...He was living in that rooming home in West Philly....Seemed like he was doing good." she said.

My Father's older brother, My uncle William Bailey Morris had been somewhat of a rogue...Had left Philly and had joined the Merchant Marines , Had traveled the world , had been a gambler and a notorious womanizer of sorts...but had never amassed much money...that I knew of...He was always good for a great story though....He had come to Sepia and my wedding and had slipped me an envelope with $500.00 in it and given me a bottle of Scotch...He had said...

"This will get'cha started proper boy.Heh Heh Heh..."

In between cases or a lag in work,I'd visit him sometimes, drop him off a couple of bucks and sit and chew the fat with him....and now he was dead.....He was 82 years old....I wasn't surprised...

"Your uncle was a trip...always pinching me on my behind..." laughed Sepia...

"Proves he had good tastes." I joked.

"Proves he was an old horndog....Just like his nephew is becoming." she joked.

"You wanna go and visit Mr. Tickle?" I asked with a sly grin...

"That sounds like a sexual question." she smirked.

III-






We met this Cyrus Tickle at the "Good Rest"  Funeral Home in West Philadelphia....I went up and looked at my uncle's body in the casket...It was him alright.....Just how long had he been dead I wondered??  I didn't have to wait long for the answer....A tall thin honey colored Black man walked up to me...He had a toothy grin....He shook my hand...

"You must be William's nephew...Kevin...Kevin Morris?" he said.

"Yeah and you are...??" I asked.

"Oh excuse me...excuse my manners...Cyrus Tickle is the name....I am a Lawyer...I was a friend of your late Uncle...I knew your Father and Mother too...I've handled their affairs for years...I remember you....You probably don't remember me do you?" he said.

"Sure don't." I said.

"And this is your wife I presume?" He said..

"Yes I am..." Sepia answered....

He smiled a broad smile....looked Sepia over...Almost to the point of making her uncomfortable and me a little angry!

"YESSSSSSS...Well pleased to meet you....Now Kevin....Your uncle didn't leave a will, but I am certain that he would have wanted me to be the executor of his estate and uh..."

"If he didn't leave a will, then how would you have been the executor?" I asked...

"Well I was just assuming.....because I was the executor of your Father's will." he said.

"No you weren't...My late Aunt Kate was." I said.

"I-I-I uh think we shared the duties.." he said.

"Unfortunately, I can't ask her." I said.

"Well I'm certain we did." he said.....I already didn't like or trust this man...I had caught him in several quasi and outright lies.

Sepia was in the front pew laughing, but covering her mouth.....

''Anyway, the reason I called you here Mr. Morris is that I hear on the street that you are some type of private investigator...and here is the thing.." he said, when I interrupted him...

"Mr. Tickle....Mr. Tickle.... When did my uncle depart this life?" I asked.

"Uhhh, Last Wednesday...I didn't know your phone number, but I sent you a death notice in the mail.." he said.

''So you handled all of the funeral arrangements here at Good Rest Funeral Home?" I said.

"In addition to being an Attorney, I also co -own this funeral home with Mr. Lawrence Goodnight..." he said.

"You do?" I said.

''I do... and this is my proposition....Your uncle recently came across some good fortune...mighty good fortune to the tune of three million dollars....He won it in a high stakes poker game down in New Orleans, but he didn't trust the banks....Now , you being his last living relative and me being his life long friend...as well as attorney...I'd love to hire you to find this money...and we split the difference." he said.

I smiled...Sepia was beside herself with laughter at this point....

"Oh yeah?" I said, laughing myself....

''Yes,it's only fair... you wouldn't even know about his good fortune were it not for me...so I would be getting a finders fee if you will." he said.

''A 50 percent finders fee? You sure you're a lawyer? I know gangsters that wouldn't attempt that kind of  deal." I said.

As we talked...a shapely brown skinned young lady came into the funeral home...She walked up to the casket and began to wail....

"OHHHHH BILLLLY...aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Bill Bailey.....AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.......Billy , you gonneeee....ohhh lawd Jesus, you gone, you done left me....Aghhhhhhhhhh LAWDDDD JESUS!!!" she cried and wailed...




She leaned over the casket as if she was going to kiss the body...but I noticed out of the corner of my eye, she slipped her hand in my uncle's coat pocket and pulled out a key....She didn't know that I saw her, but I did and I smiled...

Just as she was about to walk away...I grabbed her arm...

"Hold it sister...what did you just take off of my uncle's body?" I said...

She pulled a .22 caliber pistol out of her pocketbook and aimed it at Me and Mr. Tickle...

"I'd advise you to let me go..." she said...

"Now that is the quickest recovery from grief I've ever seen." I said...as Mr. Tickle held both of his palms up in the air..

"Patrice....what are you doin around here?" he asked.

"I come to get what's comin to me.. All the nights I spent with Bill Bailey, drinkin wine, making him feel good in the bed...I deserve that money." she snapped...

''The hell you do. I was his lifelong friend." he said.

''Back the hell up Cyrus, lifelong my butt.......I'll drill you." she said...

She then heard the click of another gun and felt it pressing in her side....My wife, Sepia carried a .22 also...and she had it pressed in her side...I smiled, went in her pocketbook and took the key that she had taken out of my uncle's pocket and put it in my jacket pocket.

"That's Patrice...Patrice Johnson...She was your Uncle's girlfriend...." said Cyrus Tickle..

''Girlfriend??" I said... She was barely 27 years old if that and my Uncle was 82.....

"I was his fiance...Billy and me was about to be married before he...before he...."OHHHHH BILLLLY...aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Bill Bailey.....AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.......Billy , you gonneeee....ohhh lawd Jesus, you gone, you done left me....Aghhhhhhhhhh LAWDDDD JESUS!!!" she cried and wailed...

I grabbed her arm....

"Save the drama for TNT sister..I aint buyin it." I snapped...

Just then ,I heard the click of another gun and it was on Sepia....I spun around only to see a man with a big.45 glock aimed at my wife's head...

"Alright....now all of you nice people just freeze...You....Hand me that key.." he said.

I stared daggers at the man...I could tell from his looks that this guy was a street thug..a stone cold gangster.

He clicked the gun.....I couldn't risk Sepia's safety...So I went in my coat pocket and gave him a key...

"Thanks suckers....William Bailey Morris  owed me money for gamblin debts....This will do quite nicely....Yall have a nice day, ya hear... " he said and backed out of the funeral home...

I looked at Cyrus Tickle...

"Who was he?"I said.

"That's Dice....Dice Lawson, a local hood ....a sometime associate of your uncle....I used to tell him about the company he kept." said Cyrus Tickle who gave Patrice Johnson a side eye...

"Later for you Cyrus." she said and strutted out of the funeral parlor.

"You think those two are working together?" I asked.

"Nahhh...Patrice may be a slut, but she's no where near as bad as Dice Lawson." he said.

"Well don't worry Cyrus...I'm going to find out where my Uncle stashed that money." I said... I gave him my card with my phone number and my email address on it..He in turn gave me his card...

"So we have a deal?" he said.  I looked at him like he was dirt...

"I'll keep in touch."is all I would say..."Come on Sepia...let's get out of here..I've had enough of having guns being pulled on me today." I said.

''Look...I told you about this...If not for me, you wouldn't know about this...I deserve a finders fee man...Don't do me like this...Come On now!" said  Cyrus Tickle as Sepia and I walked away.

IV-





Later, Sepia and I sat in our living room chilling...She smiled at me and asked me-

''You didn't give that guy Dice the key did you?" she asked.

"I gave him a key, but not the key that Patrice took out of my uncle's pocket." I said.

"What key did you give him?"she asked.

"The key to the men's room at the high school...Remember when we went to hear Reed's young protoge' Veronica Bailey play the trumpet that night?" I laughed.

Sepia laughed...

"And that's why I married you, that's why I stayed with you more than just a week....I knew from the day I met you that you were going to be an exciting man and that I'd never be bored.." she said.

"Neither in or out of bed." I said.

"That's right." she said and gave me a wet sloppy kiss.

(To Be Continued...)

5 comments:

Toni said...

Loved This...Standing and clapping...This sounds like it's going to be good.

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Wow! This one started off with a bang...No pun intended...Can't wait to see the next installment.

Angie B. said...

This looks like it's going to be a trip! LMAO!

Sunflower said...

Loved this story....Loved the look at Sepia and Kevin's beginnings. Think I'm gonna like this.

Tate 2 said...

I don't trust this guy,Mr. Tickle..I think he's in cahoots with the other two.