Oh Be My Corpse

I sat in Josie's Bar and ordered another Corona...My third...and waited patiently for my mysterious caller from the night before...The gangster, Fathead Newton sat at an ajoining table with my friends, Chess and Chris Thompson and Donald Smooth... I wasn't listening, but I couldn't help but overhear what he was saying..

"Man,it was terrible...I was in the graveyard and the ground started parting and I could see clear down , six feet under....the coffin opened up and this dead body got out...It was a woman with the hugest titties you ever did see....and man, she got up out of the grave and came after me." He said.

Chris Thompson, Chess and Donald Smooth were howling with laughter as he told the story, but Fathead Newton wasn't laughing...he was dead serious..

"And you ran away from a woman with big tits?" howled Donald Smooth...

"Yeah, aint that somethin?" laughed Chris Thompson.

"She was dead" said Fathead...

"And like He said...you ran?" laughed Chess as he nudged Gus who was also laughing....

It was a funny story, but it hit too close to home for me...It gave me the creeps....Just as I was about to down another beer...The assistant coroner ,who I'd talked to the day before walked into
the bar.

"Kevin...so glad to see you." He said as we shook hands.

"Soooo, what's on your mind Doc?" I said.

"The other day, after you left....I got to thinking about what you said...That it was strange that such a young healthy woman would just die like that...and even stranger that her husband ,who is the Cheif Medical Examiner would refuse to autopsy her. If it were me, I'd be a little curious...you know what I'm saying? So I opened her up...I did a full autopsy and I sent my findings to this local lab...I knew a guy there who owed me a favor...I just got the results back yesterday." he said.

I wondered if it was the same lab and the same guy Doc Crabtree had used. I wondered how he felt getting the same information two times in a row for the same corpse? Dr. Crabtree said the body looked as if it had been examined twice.. He was dead on about that..No pun intended.

"Let me guess...you found a cocktail of chemicals in her body...One was a sedative that he probably put in a nightcap drink for her...the other was an injection of a muscle relaxer and the third was one that stopped her heart while she slept right?"I said.

"Yeah, how did you know?" he said.

"A little birdy told me." I said.

"I feel so bad....I've known the guy for years...but there is no good reason he should have had those kinds of chemicals...He murdered her Kevin, and I feel as though I should go to the Police."
He said.

" Uhhhh hold off before you do that doc." I said.

" What? Why?" he said.

"We have to find out where he got those drugs from..."I said.

"He might have ordered them on line...." he said.

"If he did, he'd be too slick to print out a receipt wouldn't he?" I said.

"He's as slick as a can of grease." said the Assistant Coroner.

Just then, I looked up and my wife ,Sepia walked into the bar with an envelope.

"Kevin, I found this in our mail slot when I got home..." she said.

I opened it and believe it or not...It was a receipt for the three drugs I was talking about that were used to kill Jessica Sarber. It appears Dr. Sarber paid for these with his credit card from a
Black Market Dealer on line.

"Who sent this to us and where did they get it from?" I asked Sepia...Knowing that she didn't know anymore than I did.

"Maybe it was whoever called you last night" she said.

" I didn't send that" said the Assistant Coroner.

"No,Not you, someone else called me...a woman." I said.

"A woman?" he said.

"Yeah, my number was hot last night." I said.

"Well Doc, We got what we need....Let's go call the cops." I said.

Just then my cell phone went off....It was an unregistered number....I answered it and take two guesses who it was...?? My mysterious woman caller-

"You've got everything you need, now go get him...don't let him get away with this." she said.

Before I could say anything, she hung up.

I called Lt.Sissy Van Buren and presented her with the evidence we had and she swore out a
warrant on Mike Sarber. Sepia, The Assistant Coroner and I followed the Police in our car.

Lt.Van Buren and six Detectives raided the Sarber house....but they were too late...The house was empty...I mean, hear your reflection empty! Dr. Sarber was gone!

The Ocean City Police raided the house that Sepia sold them....That was empty too!

"It's alright Kevin...he won't get far....We just called the FBI...they put an interstate flight warrant to avoid prosecution for murder out on him...They'll get him." She said.

That was good enough for me...Case Closed! I shook the Doc's hand and we all went home.
Now you know that it wasn't going to end like that don't you?

That night , Sepia and I lay in bed, kissing and fondling each other when my phone rang again!

"WHAT!!!! I don't beleive it." I said.

"Just ignore it" said Sepia....Funny, I'm supposed to say that, I thought...but the phone just kept
ringing..

Finnally, I picked the phone up...guess who?

"Kevin...He's in the Caymen Islands...You've got to bring him to justice...don't let him get away with this...There will be two tickets on your desk at your office tomorrow!"

click!

You know...Cracking this case really wasn't much of a mystery....Finding out who this mysterious
woman was , was the real mystery.

(Conclusion Next)