Thursday, October 7, 2010

Million Dollar Question

As a rule I don't dig Blind dates.... Blind dates are for losers who can't get a date any other way... So they have to have someone fix them up.. I don't consider myself a loser...Not at all...and I usually have a lady....but I have to admit that it's been awhile and I am tired of always going home and seeing my room mate ,Blake all curled up on the couch with his lady, Cherish....Me? Oh I'm Paris...Blake's room-mate, Frat brother and former college roomie also... I know he usually tells these stories , but this is one of mine.

It all started in Josies... One night, Cherish, Blake, Chance, Anita and I were in a booth having drinks.....

"Paris, where is Aquanetta tonight?" asked Anita.

"I don't know..she's where ever she is...We aint together no more." I said.

"It's been about a month now." said Blake.

"Aww poor Paris...Listen, I got a girl for you....Her name is Deshawn.....She hasn't been seeing anybody in awhile....Why don't you let me hook you two up?" said Anita.

"What? Like a Blind Date? Nahhh.....No thanks...I can do my own heavy lifting." I said.

"Heavy Lifting? No..She aaint fat...She's cute..I think you'll like her." said Anita.

"That aint my style...Look ,I aint no charity case...I can get a woman now.." I said.

"It has been awhile homey." chimed in Chance Howard..

"You want me to put you back on line?" I asked.

Blake and I had pledged Chance ,the semester after we went over.....Blake was easy on him...He's an easy going fella...but me?? I made his life a living hell....I'm sure he hated me until long after he went over and had some scrollers (pledges) of his own. Anyway, Anita wouldn't let it alone...and then Blake's girl ,Cherish got into it..

"Come on Paris...I know her...She's really a nice girl...She hasn't got anybody." she said.

"Not my problem...She's probably fat and homely aint she? Not that I'm a prize...but I'm just sayin.." I said.

"Nah man, I know her too....Homely she aint." said Chance..

I looked at Blake and he shrugged his shoulders...

"Man, I've seen her before...She aight....She aint homely....I don't know no more than that." he said.

"Okay Anita...Hook it up.....Give me an address and a phone number tomorrow and I'll hook up with her." I said.

''Uhhhhh, how about yall meet somewhere...somewhere neutral like Bottom of the C...You both like Seafood." said Cherish.

I looked over at Gus, the bartender...He was shaking his head as if to say don't do it....but what the hell..I didn't have anything else to do...what's the worst that could happen? I just didn't know.

As we were walkin out...Gus pulled me to the side and whispered...

"Don't do it kid..Blind Dates are never any good...especially when broads are hookin you up with someone they know....There is a reason why their girlfriend aint got no date." he said.

I shrugged and shook my head...I knew in my heart that Gus was right on the money..He was a wise old dude...but my curiosity was peaked now....Besides...both of my partners, Blake and Chance agreed that the babe wasn't homely...What was the worst that could happen? That was the million dollar question.

The next Friday night... I arrived at 'Bottom of the C' , a pricy Seafood Bar and Grill that everybody raved about . I personally didn't see what all the fuss was about. "Dollar" Bill Williamson, the old chisler who owned it was a friend of my pops.....A guy who never saw a skirt that he didn't feel the need to chase. He had been married for years...I knew that his wife had to know what he was about...but rumor had it..She was doing her thing too..She was an attractive woman...about ten years younger than Dollar Bill.

I arrived on time...My date did not...That was the first thing that was wrong...A half an hour turned into an hour...So I finally took a seat..I secretly wondered if this broad was going to stiff me and stand me up! She finally appeared... I knew it was her ,because I was told (by Cherish and Anita) that she'd be wearing a red gardenia in her hair..kinda like Billie Holiday.

Look wise they were right...She was very pretty..Very Shapely...dressed very nice and smelled great...The type of babe I would have probably have put the moves on myself. She was way over dressed for this place and this night...but it was cool with me. I had on a sports jacket, some black slacks and a white dress shirt and some black loafers....I was dressed like the majority of the patrons. This is where the good part of the date ends.

First off, she was late...No apology, no explanation, no nothing!!! She came to the table and looked me up and down like I was a bed that needed to be inspected and then sat down. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she didn't approve of me...This evening was going great!!

"Hello..My Name is Paris." I said.

"Like the city in France?" she said.....

Oh boy...I could tell she was the valedictorian in her class.

"Uh yeah...just like the city in France." I said.

'How come you didn't uh, dress up a little more?" she said.

"Because this is a casual ,laid back place...Didn't Cherish and Anita tell you the layout here?" I asked.

''Cherish didn't tell me nothing...I don't even like her...She thinks I do....She stole my man....I was checkin this guy name Blake out first...and the next thing I know...She got her hooks in him." she said.

"Blake is my room-mate." I said.

"Your room-mate? , What? Don't tell me you're still in college?" she asked disdainfully.

"No, I've been finished quite some time now." I said.

"Did you at least finish?, Get a degree?" she asked.

"Yes I did....Blake and I both got our Bachelors and our Masters from Howard University." I said.

"Really? " she said.

"Yes really...I just got my second Masters this spring from Temple." I said.

Her eyes lit up then.....

"You got two Masters?" she asked.

"Yes...One in Urban Studies and One in Public Administration." I said.

"Where do you work?" she asked.

"I work for the City....In the Mayor's Office." I said.

"I just finished at Temple in May myself....I'm working on my MBA at Penn." she said...

"Okay.....that's quite IVY League girl!." I said...Now maybe we could get back on track I thought. Just then her Blackberry went off!

"Excuse me." she said.

For the next fifteen minutes she talked on her phone...I couldn't make out who it was...but she raised her index finger to me as if she wanted me to wait or something and she got up and walked outside...I was beyond pissed...The waiter came over to our table...but she wasn't there, so I couldn't order..I asked for a Corona and sat there....She was still outside talking...I ordered another the time I finished the third beer she returned..No apology, no explanation, no nothing. I was furious, but I didn't say anything.

We ordered dinner finally..We were in the middle of a good conversation , I thought and then she got a text message....She started texting back...This went on for a half an hour...I was about through at this point...but I didn't say anything. Our food arrived and she finnally stopped texting. She ate like she hadn't had a meal in days...Smacking her lips and all...I was flabberghasted....I didn't order much..Just some Crabcakes and another beer.

"Ohhhh my goddd...oh my godddd." she shreiked!!!

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just remembered...I'm allergic to Swordfish..." she yelled....Funny, she ate it like she had been eating it all of her natural life...NOW she remembers she's allergic??? Amazing!!! What a night this was turning out to be!

Her face began to swell...So did her hands and her lips...I was frightened!!!!Then she keeled over!!

Dollar Bill came running out.....

"Oh Lawd, Not again...We just had a problem with a crazy cook and the soup.....Oh lawd..I'm gone go outta business...Escobar!!! Escobarrr get out here." he screamed...

"Relax Dollar's not the cook's fault...She's allergic to swordfish." I said.

'"Allergic? Well what the hell did she order it for?" asked Dollar Bill....Another Million Dollar question.

They rushed Deshawn to the hospital and I drove over to Josies... Chance, Anita, Blake and Cherish were there...When they saw me come in alone...they frowned...

"Uh Ohhhh....What happened? How was the date?" asked Blake and Chance.

"The date was terrible....Your girl is in the hospital?" I said.

"Huh?" said Cherish

'What?" asked Anita.

"She ordered Swordfish...She forgot she was allergic....In between her texting and talking on the phone she also told me that she doesn't really like you Cherish..." I said as I sat down...Blake and Chance said nothing...but I could tell they wanted to laugh...

"Paris, I'm sorry....I was doing her a solid...It's been a long time since she had a date and all..."
said a very apologetic Anita. Cherish, Chance and Blake were snickering a little.

"Yeah, I can see why." I said.

I walked over to the bar and ordered a corona....Gus came over to me ...

"So how did it go kid?" he asked.

"Just like you said man, terrible....but I was curious." I said.

"Yeah Kid, well you know what they said curiosity did to that cat." laughed Gus.

"Heyyy Paris." came a voice.

"Aquanetta? What are you doin here?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same thing..I'm having a drink....alone." she said.

"Well....You don't have to have a drink alone...In don't have to spend the night alone..." I said.

"Hmmmmm...tonight is sounding better and better." she cooed...

"After this drink, you wanna get out of here?" I asked.

"Your place or mine?" she asked.

"Yours...My roommate has company." I said.

"Pay the man Paris...I'm down." she said.

And just like that, things began to look up for me.... Aquanetta and I walked past Chance , Anita,Cherish and Blake's booth....

"Keys Blake." I said. Blake tossed me my car keys....Both he and Chance smiled... Anita and Cherish managed weak smiles.....

"Don't wait up." I said and winked!


Grover Tha Playboy said...

Great Story Bruh! I would have been left that place..When she was talking on the phone the first time!

Sean said...

Laughing my butt off..Man you are crazy..but on point!

Tate2 said...

Great Story....I've been ondates like that!

Jazzy said...

You crazy fam! but like Sean said, right on the money with this one.

Vanessa said...

Hillarious! The Date from hell!

Halo said...

All Dollar Bill could think about was the fact that he might go out of business...A woman was possibly dying! What a heartless cad!

Lisa said...

I laughed until I cried reading this..I so love this blog!

Sunflower said...

Funny Story..Loved it!

Cheryl said...

Hillarious...Freakin Hillarious keith!

Brenda said...

Great story....I felt like I was right there....Love Dollar Bill...You've got to do a story with him as the Central charactor!

Swaggie said...

Another Good one brutha!

Captain Jack said...


Toni said...

Keith,Keith ,Keith..What can I say?
This was pure brilliance!

Angie B. said...

You had me laughing so hard..I was in tears!

James Perkins said...

Priceless and funny!

Samuel Bastion said...

Great Story and funny to boot!I've heard many dating disaster stories..I think you combined quite a few into this peice.

DBH said...

Cute story!

Yvonne Anderson said...

How do you write three quality posts on three seperate blogs nearly everyday?? Most people can't write one.