Wade In The Water

"Ah Aint never seen three Black men drink cartons of Buttermilk straight like that." said Mabel Jenkins as Kool Kat, her brother in law, Clerow and I finished three seperate cartons of Buttermilk.
We had stopped at her soul food joint en route to the Shopping Center to pick up Cherry Johnson.

My Blackberry went off....It was Peeping Tom...He was in the "observation" van with Robert Foxworth, Lockpick Johnson and Sean Jackson. They were keeping an eye on the good Reverend and the Deacon and their murderous hearse for us ,while we went here to get some buttermilk. The buttermilk would protect us if we became exposed to that poison.

"Kevin...We got a problem" said Peeping Tom....

"What problem?" I said...

"Apparently....these two guys had a change of plan....They went to the shopping center early...It's New Years Eve...It closed up early... They snatched Cherry out of the parking lot before we could do anything...We are following them....They're headed towards the Northeast ." he said.

"Okay...stay on em....We are on our way." I said.

"What's up boss?" asked Clerow.

"They snatched Cherry already...They're on the move." I said.

"What?" said Kool Kat.

"I suspect that they wouldn't have killed her yet...She's probably been drugged...They're taking her to that flat bed truck....They're going to baptize her." I said.

"You mean drown her." said Kool Kat.

"Not if we get there first...Mabel...You got another carton of Buttermilk?" I asked.

"Yeah...here's a quart...you owe me Kev." she laughed.

"I'm good for it." I laughed.. "Come on guys...let's go....Oh Mabel...one more thing...Call this number...It's FBI Special Agent Frank Cotton...Tell him I said to meet me at this address." I continued.

"Got'cha Kevin...good luck." she said as the three of us raced to the rental car.

II-

We pulled up behind the Van, a sizable distance away.....Peeping Tom, Robert Foxworth, Sean Jackson and Locksmith Johnson were waiting for us.

"They just got here, not too long ago..The Deacon is running the water.. you better hurry up and get inside that little cabin...That's where they have her." he said.

Inside the cabin....Cherry sat, half conscious, very weak in a wicker chair... Reverend John Lazurus Collins was dressed in only a white loin cloth.....He was bellowing..

"Sinful woman...Look at you, wearing a tight red dress....breasts just popping out....so plump, so
inviting....Black lace wire bra...so enticing...dressed to entice a good man out of his clothes...make his privates hard....HARLOT THY NAME IS CHERRY JOHNSONNNNNNNNNNNNN!" he screamed.

"Mannnnn, you one crazy dude.You sound like you're the one getting excited" slurred Cherry..

"Yessss...Yessss...You would like to think so harlot....You're trying to entice me, but I won't be enticed...I will control my devilish carnal desire that you are arousing in me..I told you...I told you I would deal with you.....I'm going to baptize you and free your soul of it's sins. When they find your lifeless sinless body...they will know...Know to cover themselves , carry themselves in a chaste fashion.." he yelled!

''Man, you are off your nut." she slurred.

''MOCK ME IF YOU WILL!!! CECIL!!!!!! BAPTIZE THIS HARLOTTTTTT!!!"he yelled.

''There isn't going to be any baptismal today Rev." I said as Clerow, Kool Kat and I entered the shack. He was stunned....Cherry smiled... He shook his head from side to side...

"Mr. Morris, Mr. Morris, oh pooor Mr. Morris...I'd heard that you fancy yourself as somewhat of a private detective.....Shame...I liked you and your wife...Shame that she will soon be a widow. but I will go to her and comfort her and make sure that she does not bear the pain of your untimely death alone..." he bellowed.

"Think so huh? You are out of your rabid mind man" I laughed....

Just then...Clerow, Kool Kat and I were hit from behind with a repeating blow gun.....It had the poison in it....It was a much stronger strain that I had expected....Buttermilk or not...It dropped the three of us on the floor!!! We had forgotten about Cecil , who had been outside filling the baptismal pool on the flatbed truck. We were stunned , but not unconscious...

"Deacon Williams...We got four sinners here....Take em outside and BAPTIZE THEIR ASSES!"
snarled Reverend John Lazurus Collins Jr.

"Yes sirrrrrrrrrrr, sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...with pleasure.heheheheheheheheh" he laughed
sinisterly.

To his surprize....and horror...The three of us, Kool Kat, Clerow and I , all rose up off the floor and brandished our guns in his direction...

"Like I said Rev...you've performed your last Baptismal." I said. Kool Kat turned and clocked Cecil Williams so hard that his false teeth fell out and the old player went sailing across the room and slammed into the wall...He fell to the floor...He was out for the night!

"This is impossible!!! It can't be...I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!! This is the first time the chemical has failed to work....What sorcery is this?" he yelled.

"Now Collins...Let's see how you like a taste of your own medicine...Get to steppin." I snapped.

"Hey Kev..what you doin?" asked Clerow....Kool Kat just laughed and slapped his knee. I marched the Reverend outside to the Baptismal pool and made him get into the water in his loin cloth......

"This water is cold....it's very cold...it's cold..... and I'm only wearing a loin cloth...it's December for God's sake.....ohhhhhhh...ohhhhhhh myyyy.....ouuuuu,it's cold....I have on only a loin cloth....I'm terribly cold...Please....Please...I can't be seen like this....This is humiliating....Ohhh and it's cold....ouuuuu, shit man, this damn water is cold...ohhhhhhhhhh lawdddd!" he complained.

"Not cold enough for you." I said.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh....you'll burn in hell for this Kevin...ohhhhhhhhhhh...it's c-c-c-coldddddddd...damn it man...it's cold...get me out of here...ohhhhhh" he said.


The FBI and the Philadelphia Police arrived shortly and handcuffed John Collins and Cecil Williams....They had the baptismal pool on the flatbed truck...the vials of chemicals and the chlorine as evidence as well as our tapes, photos and video evidence and Cherry's testimony.

As they walked John Collins to the police car, he looked at me and said- "I don't feel guilty about what I did...I was doing the lord's work." he exclaimed.

"You weren't doing the lords work....you're a devil." I said.

"Everyone is entitled to their opinion....though I am curious....Why didn't the drug effect you? There was enough venom in that blow gun to drop a horse?" he said.

"The Lord was on my side I suppose." I remarked.

He shrugged his shoulders -"Hmmmm, Interesting. Hey you guys...anybody got a sweater,something to cover me? It's cold....I don't want reporters snapping my photo in just this loin cloth.... People won't take me seriously.Come on guys.....it's December....It's freeezing out here...Ohhhh...Ohhhhh" he said.

The FBI agents and police led the shivering John Collins and the Deacon into the paddy wagon and pulled off....Special Agent Frank Cotton and Sissy Van Buren of Homicide stood there shaking their heads as Kool Kat, Robert Foxworth, Sean Jackson, Peeping Tom and Lockpick Johnson stood in the background...

"What an odd , evil and scary pair of kooks." said Agent Cotton.

"You aren't lying...I feel much safer knowing those two are going to jail." I said.

"Me too" added Homicide Lt. Sissy Van Buren.

EPILOUGE:

John Lazurus Collins and Cecil Williams were tried in New Jersey on three counts of first degree murder and sentenced to three life sentences a piece... The State of Pennsylvania tried them for four murders....They received three life sentences for three and a death sentence a piece on the fourth....Their killing spree was over. They both now sit on Death Row at Stanga State Prison.I'm sure there is a very warm place awaiting both of them!

New Years Eve....Most of our friends were probably at Josies or Mulberry Street....I understand there were big parties at both.....Sepia and I were at watch service at the Church....Clerow was there with Cora-Beth and to our surprise...Cherry Johnson was there with Samuel Rasulala, Sepia's old instructor at Community College. Once Again, Pastor John Struthers had returned...
and Deacon Larry Weatherford was glad to see him.

"Look Kevin...Cherry Johnson is in church...and look who she's with!!! Sam Rasulala." said my wife Sepia.

"Yeah, what about it?" I asked.

"Nothing....He's not the church going type....I'm just surprised to see him in here." she said.

"Well, everybody has something to be thankful for...Maybe he's soul searching." I said.

"Okay Kev. He's searching for something alright..and it has nothing to do with church" laughed Sepia.

Pastor Struthers and his wife, Rita walked over to Deacon Larry Weatherford...

"Man, that basement floor is as wet as the ocean. What was going on downstairs?..I think that Baptismal pool is leaking. I told you, you can't use that pool for a jacuzi..I mean..not that anybody ever has..I'm just sayin. Uhhh, well uh...remind me to call the plumber after New Years, Deacon." he said. His wife Rita hung her head sheepishly and smiled weakly!

Deacon Weatherford smiled and looked at me...I smiled and shrugged my shoulders....

Sepia just laughed to herself.....Things were back to normal.


HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!