Friday, September 24, 2010

Soups On!

I stood at Penns Landing with Chess and Chris Thompson, looking at the suite that they had agreed to let me use..

"Gee Guys Thanks for letting me use this space." I said.

"Hey many solids as you've done for us...don't mention it." said Chris Thompson.

"You sure this is gonna work man?" asked Chess.

"It's got to's the only gamble I've got." I said as I peered at the entrance. Peeping Tom and Lockpick Jackson came out and walked over to where we were talking.

"It's all set my friend...the room is wired for sound and video....and we have your lovely young pigeon wired also. Your wife helped her get wired up...It's in a place where he shouldn't find it."

laughed Peeping Tom.

I didn't ask...I could only imagine. Sepia, Bonita and Robert Foxworth came walking towards us.

"We are all ready Kevin." said my wife.

"Yeah...ready to snare your prey...I almost feel sorry though....In doing this, we'll also be letting that predator, Ralph Scallion back on the street." said Robert Foxworth...

"Robert....your jealousy is kind of turning me on." said Bonita.

"Huh...what?" said Robert.

"Really.....I'm really turned on...I've got something nice planned for you after this is over." she said with a seductive smile..

"Oh really?" said Robert Foxworth , who was now showing all teeth... Sepia,Chris,Chess,Tom and Lockpick all smiled sheepishly...I cracked up laughing.

Hours later, Clerow and I sat outside of ' Bottom of the C' in a rental car...We could hear everything... Sean Jackson was inside the restaraunt with a small micro camera ,snapping photos. Bonita, dressed to the nines came in alone and sat at a table in the center....

Domingus, the cook came out..He was surprised to see her....but that didn't stop him from going over to her table....

"Well hello Miz are wearing that dress baby." he said as his eyes nearly fell out of his head...I couldn't blame him....Bonita was an attractive woman..Robert was crazy for thinking about looking at another woman..

"Thank you Domingus...." she said coyly.

"You smell good too....Have you reconsidered going out with me?" he said. This cat didn't give up.

"I actually have...why don't you come and sit with me a minute....Your shift hasn't begun yet has it?" she said.

"Noooo..Nooo it hasn't..heh heh heh." laughed Domingus.

"Good ,sit with me...I'm getting ready to order." she said as he quickly sat down.

"I think I'll have the cracked crab salad and a mimosa." she said, smiling sweetly.

"Ohh no more of that clown's Lobster Bisque." said Domingus.

"Well you of all people can certainly understand why I wouldn't." she laughed...

"Yes...but thank goodness that clown is behind bars where he belongs." said Domingus.

"Funny thing is...I went to see him the other day and he says you were the one who poisoned me and Jack Gable." she said.

"Me? hahahahahahaha, of course he would blame someone else to take the blame off of himself."laughed Domingus.

"Well see, that's why I'm here....I beleive Ralph....I think you did poison me and Jack.....I know you meant it for Ralph....I don't even care..He's done...and so is me and him...but have something I need..." she said.

"I do?" he said.

"I know all about that poison leaf and the extract that comes from it....It comes from Guyanna. That's where you're from isn't it? Let's not be coy..I know it was you....and I don't care...I need you to do me a favor..." she said.

"A favor?? What kind of a favor?" he asked.
"I need you to whip up some of that soup.....I need somebody knocked off...." she said.

"What? What are you saying?" he asked.

"I've been taking care of my sick mother....She's damn near 100 and she's a pain in the ass...I've got a three million dollar life insurance policy on her, payable upon death...You whip up some of that soup and deliver it to me and I uh can uh make her got me?" said Bonita.

"Really? So uh , say I uh whip this soup up and deliver it...What is in this for me?" he asked...

"I'd be reallll grateful...reall know what I mean?? You've been wanting some of this for a longggg longgg time....You do me this favor and I'll not only give you a third of my profit...but you can have a night with me like you've always wanted." she said.

"Oh my God...Oh my don't know how long I've waited for this moment Ms. Bonita...Ohhh I've wanted you so baddd......and I kept seeing you with that clown,Ralph Scallion...I hate him so much....So last week I have enough...I loaded his soup with enough of my special herb to drop an elephant...only you allowed that other man to have some and before I could stop you, you ate some too...I felt so bad...I tried to shoot Ralph that night...I felt so bad..only he had a friend with him ....and they shot at me! Ohhhhh..I am so glad that you're alive." he said.

"Here's the address of where I'm staying in Philly....Bring that soup tonight ,laced up...lover....." she said and winked....

"Ohhh...Ohhh...I can't concentrate on my work...ohhhhh, I think I'm ejaculating in my pants..ohhhhhhhhh." he moaned.

"Come come lover,I hope you last longer than that tonight?" she said.

"Ohhhhhh..I will...I will...oh my god...I can't wait...som ova beetch..ohhhhhhhhhhhhh." he moaned.

Bonita left the restaraunt and got in my car, which by now was down the street! Clerow and Sean Jackson joined us. They were both laughing uncontrollably! Bonita was laughing too.
"Som OVA Beeetch...oh my god...this guy was off the chain." laughed Sean.
"Oh man and did he really shoot off in his pants?" laughed Clerow....I had to admit..I was laughing at that.
"Eeeeeewwwwwwww you guys...That was nasty...I am skeezed." said Bonita. "Kev , you got enough on tape to nab him now..." she said. Clerow and Sean concurred.

"Yeah, but I need him with the poison in his possession to really make it stick." I said.

We drove to Penns Landing and took our places in the suite that Chris and Chess had leased for us. Bonita sat in the living room in some lingerie so sexy...that Clerow, Sean and I were all wishing we weren't married for just the moment. She dimmed the lights.

Like Clockwork....Domingus arrived....

"Ohhhhhh Ms. Bonita...ohhhhhhhh my goddddd...I can't believe this...ohhhhhhhhh...." he moaned.

"Calm down lover..calm down before you won't be able to do anything.." she laughed as she licked his ear...

''Ouuuuuuuu ,Ms. Bonita please...take your clothes off...I have to have you now." he moaned.

"You got the soup?" she asked.

"Yes..right here...this will kill her quick and if they don't know what to look for...they won't even find this batch in the old girl's system...." he said.

"I should have used this on Ralph.." he said.

"Instead of what you did use?" she said.

"Yes...but I don't want to talk about him....let's make loveeee." he said.

"Okay...just calm down....let me go change into ....hahahahaha...nothing." she said.

"Change right here." he said...

"I'm shy....." she said as she exited into the bedroom....He laughed slyly and rubbed his hands together.

When Clerow, Sean and I emerged from the back room with our guns drawn....Domingus was completely naked....He was as shocked as were we!!!!

''WHOA...HEY MAN, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!" yelled Sean...

''OH LAWD" exclaimed Clerow......

By then, Lt. Sissy Van Buren of Homicide and three Detectives, Edwin "Duke" Baylor. Angela Belton, an old girlfriend of mine and Sgt. Danny Ho of Robbery-Homicide and three uniformed cops had entered the room...



"Ohhhh myyyyyyy"

Domingus was first surprised...then he was enraged...

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? IT WAS A LIE..A TRAP!! YOU BITCH!!!!!" He screamed as someone put a coat on him and a towell was brought out to cover the rest of him....I passed her the container of soup.......

"Kevin you should warn us the next time.." laughed Lt. Sissy Van Buren.

"Hell, somebody should have warned me." I said as Bonita, Sean, Clerow and all of the Police busted out in laughter....Domingus was the only one in the room who didn't find anything funny!


Ralph Scallion was cleared of all charges and released and Domingus was booked for murder and conspiracy and attempted murder...The cannister of soup had a larger dose of the poison than was used initially! Things weren't as rosie for Ralph Scallion, even now that he was free. Mabel, Debbie, Bonita ,Ingrid and even Suzie Wong refused to have anything to do with him...In a way ,maybe Domingus had gotten his revenge.....

Sepia and I were sitting in Josies a few nights later shooting the breeze with Gus..

"You wrapped up another one eh Kev?" he said.

"Yeah man..Hope I can relax for awhile." I said.

"Did Dollar Bill pay you? For gettin to the bottom of this?" asked Gus.

"Yeah..he gave me a thousand dollars and half off coupons for anything I might want at his spot."

I said.

Sepia busted out laughing...Gus did too!

"And your husband thought that Dollar Bill had hired a hitman at one point..hahahahahahaha, imagine that!! How would he pay him? With coupons??ahahahahahahahahahahaha." laughed Gus and Sepia....Everybody was a comedian!

(For Carlene...)


SLC said...


H got so mad he lost the accent

Reggie said...

Excellent post.

One things for sure though, that woman pictured definitely needs a spanking.

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Ditto what Reggie said...Yes lawd!

TATE 2 said...

Yes..Yes...That photo of that gal heats my soup up!

Sean said...

Hillarious story fam!

Toni said...

You just keep getting better and better!