Friday, September 3, 2010

Tiny Indescretions

I usually didn't like taking this kind of case....To tell the truth, I much preferred a good murder case or a conspiracy case or tracking down a gangster or something......Peeking in on somebody's bedroom and listening in on their pillow talk was beneath me...Yet if the check was right..I'd do it... The check was okay....but far from right. My client was my friend, Attorney, Robert Foxworth...

I couldn't exactly say no to him...He had helped me crack quite a few of my cases....The target of my investigation was not what I would call a friend...but someone I knew...The chef at "Dollar" Bill's establishment..."Bottom of the C" Seafood Bar and Grille, Ralph Scallion , who was somewhat of a ladies man you might say.

Just two weeks before...My boy, Sean Jackson and his girlfriend, Sheila had gotten married and were by now on their honeymoon. Robert Foxworth came by my house and begged me to "investigate" Ralph Scallion.

"No..Robert...come on man...I take on big investigations...You want me to spy on the cook? The damn cook at Dollar Bill's joint." I said.

"Yeah Robert...He makes a mean seafood bisque....that's out of this world." added my wife, Sepia.

"Aww come on much as I've helped you....In dangerous capers that could have cost me my life and my licensce.." pleaded Robert Foxworth... He was right of course...I had asked him to take part in some things that were a little less than legal and a lot dangerous and he had never once told me no....This wasn't even the least bit dangerous and he was paying me on top of that...I had to say yes..

"Ohhh alright Robert...but you may not like what I find out..." I said.

"Thanks Kev...I'm prepared for that." he said.

It didn't take but a day for Lockpick Johnson to get inside Ralph's place and for Peeping Tom to wire his spot for sound and video...It was actually easier than most jobs I've had them do... I missed Sean, not being around to snap photos from the ground..he was really good.. I relied on a cat named Wally from the office who sometimes filled in for Sean on assignments to do that. He was pretty good.

Unlike hardened criminals and sneaky people I chased...This investigation turned up something the very first night.... Why wouldn't it? The target had no reason to think he was under investigation for anything and he had nothing to hide if he were.

Ralph came home with Dollar Bill's wife!!!!

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....ouuuuuuuuuuu....ohhhhhhhhh Ralph....ouuuuuu, you're so bigggggg.......ouuuuuuuuuuuu, ohhhhhh mama likes...mama likes...ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

The next night....Ralph came home with a chinese girl who worked in the restaraunt-

"Ohhhhhhh, me so hornnnnnny, me love you so lonnngggg.ahhhhhhhh...ohhhhhhh Ralph....ohhhhh mistah blackkkkk mannnnn, ouuuuuu it so big, it soooo goooddd.ouuuuuuu..."

The next night....Reed Nelson's girlfriend....Debbie got a call at 2:15 am....

"Hello" ''Uh...Hellloooooooo Debbie...What's goin on?"

"Ralph....I told you not to call me anymore....." said Debbie.

"I'm Horny." he said

"Take a cold shower." she said.

''That's funny, coming from you...Remember the shower you and I took last month when you were over here..heheheheheheheheh.." he laughed.

"Ralph....You're trippin...If I recall..I didn't let you in the shower.." she said.

"Come on Deb....Reed and his band are out of town...I know you're lonely....and horny.....come on ovah here and let big daddy tend to your every need baby...ummmmmmmmmmmm.." he said.

"Uhhhh, no Ralph....that was a one time deal...I'm not going to come over there....I'm not your booty call girl." said Debbie.

''I never said you were...I just want to see you...I'm're all alone...we could keep each other company...drink some wine...listen to Keith Sweat, Joe, Jaheim....Watch an adult movie...make an adult movie...."

"Good Night Ralph...Dream about what we did the last time...because that's as close as you're going to get to this." she said. (Click)

The next night Mabel Jenkins got a call around midnight-

"Hello...." "Hey Mabel...what's goin on sexy?"

"Who is this?"

"You forgot me that soon? This is Ralph...Ralph Scallion."

"'s midnight....I was gettin ready to go to bed."

"Really...I'd like to go to bed....but I can't sleep...why don't you come over and help me catch up on my sleep? heheheheheheheheh.."

"Very tempting offer, but I think I'll pass." '

'What are you wearing right now?"

"Something you'll never see....Good night Ralph!"

The next night , Bonita...Robert's girl arrived at his place around 1:00 in the morning...Was this what Robert was trying to find out about? He already knew she'd been there once...He told me about it!

"I don't usually come out late at night like this.....I just want you to know that I'm not no damn booty call...I'll do this once...but not again, okay? call me at a decent hour okay?"

"Just get in here and get on this.."

"Ohh...Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyy, don't talk to .....don't talk to me like...ohhhhhhh...ouuuuuuuuuuuuu ohhhhh myyyyy...ohhhhhh..... (sound of bed sqeaking.....)


Robert sat in my office and listened and looked at the video portions... He didn't say anything at all.. I looked at him.

"I told you that you wouldn't like this Rob...I told you." I said.

"It's cool Kevin....This lech done put the moves on Dollar Bill's wife.. Reed Nelson's girlfriend, Pastor Struthers old girlfriend, Bonita and tried to put the move on 88's girl....Mabel Jenkins...I may be a lech myself man, but I aint never messed with nobody else's woman...Even I draw some lines." said Robert Foxworth.

"So you're saying that to say what man? " I said.

Robert gave me an envelope with my fee for the work I did....

"What are you going to do with that evidence Robert? You going to ruin other people's relationships just to get even with Ralph because he is screwing Bonita? It's not like you have been the most loyal guy yourself....Brooke, Ingrid, the funeral director and that babe, Frenchette from Sean's wedding.." I said.

"Oh you knew about me and her huh?" laughed Robert sheepishly...

"Man, the whole blessed church heard the two of you down in the basement during Sean's wedding...Yall was the only two of the bridal party that wasn't in the sanctuary...And I sure hope yall didn't do it on the table down there...Pastor Struthers just replaced the old table with a new one." I said.

"That's besides the point." said Robert.

"Look man...I did my job...You paid me...You do what you feel Robert....but Reed and 88 are our friends..You really want to hurt them with this?" I asked.

"Deb didn't go over there and Mabel shut him down.....Pastor Struthers just got married last week..he aint worried bout that Chinese babe no more... but I bet Dollar Bill would like to know what his wife has been doing when he aint around....ehhhhh??" laughed Robert.

"Funny you should ask about Dollar Bill Robert...Did you know that Dollar Bill has a key to Ralph's spot?? and one day after we set up to catch Ralph...Dollar Bill drove up and let himself in.. We were totally unprepared for this... You listen and watch this-" I said.

Dollar Bill, his wife and the chinese girl were seen entering Ralph's apartment...

"Let's hurry up girls...Ralph still at work...he don't know we here..." said Dollar Bill.... "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ouuuuuuuuuuuu...ohhhh daddy ride me... ride me.....ohhhhhhh.." "Me lovvvvve you sooo soooo so hornyyyy...ahhhhhhhhhh." (Click!)

I looked at Robert....

"Seen enough?" I said.

"So you mean to tell me that Dollar Bill, his wife and the chinese broad had a threesome in Ralph's place while he was at lunch? What the hell is going on over there?" asked Robert.

"I don't know....but you can't hurt Dollar Bill with what are you gonna do Robert?" I asked.

He took the tapes and the discs and tossed them in my waste basket...I gave him the envelope with the money in it...He hung his head down and quietly walked out of my office.

"Thanks Kev...see ya around." said Robert.

"Be Easy Counselor!" I said.


Anonymous said...

I am standing and applauding and throwing my panties at you!...I loved it!!!!

DBH said...

Holy mackrel...That was a three ring sex circus in Ralph's house...
Wow! I think I need a cigarette!

Anonymous said...

I'm speechless