I didn't want to go to any wedding...I've been in two of my own. Two weddings, Two very expensive weddings...One marriage that lasted nearly 17 years until I found a way to screw it up...
Another marriage that might have lasted longer, but in fact lasted little over a year and I found a way to screw that up...Couldn't leave the same woman, a co-worker of mine, alone...and by the time I did leave her alone...It had cost me two marriages, my job at the time and my home....
You understand if weddings just aint my thing....I've been doing alright the past few years...Got my own law firm now...Live in a very nice condo...Drive a very nice car and up until a few months ago, entertained a bevy of sexy young ladies....Then I got hooked...Kind of sort of....On Bonita Turner, a foxy real estate developer I met while working a case with my friend, Private Detective Kevin Morris.
Me? My name is Robert Foxworth...I'm an Attorney most of the time....a lover! All the time! heh heh heh! It was a Friday Night in Josies....The band was kickin it..Reed Nelson, "88" and the fellas was pitchin a stone bitch....Gus the bartender, Honey Brown, the head barmaid and everybody in sight was clappin they hands to the beat of the band.. Yeahhhh! We was havin a good time... Bonita was sittin her fat tush on my lap and I had one hand around her waist and another hand around a tall glass of henny...Good times....
Until a cute little number , who I'll admit I had been eyeing all night walked over to our table! Don't you just hate it when the object of your lust knows your girl?
"Bonita?? Bonita Turner is that you ?" she squealed....
" Ronette?? Oh my Godddddd, gurllllllll...how long has it been" squealed Bonita..almost making me drop my glass of Henny. They hugged each other and jumped up and down and she showed Bonita her hand.....The size and the shine on that rock made me sit up and take notice...My GOD,that rock was big!!!!
"I'm gettin married girl" said Ronette...
"Oh girl, I'm so happy for you..." said Bonita....
"We gettin married in the Virgin Islands...in a week...You gotta come...you were my best best girlfriend...for years." she said.
"Oh girl, you know I'm comin...wouldn't miss it...I gotta clear my schedule..." said Bonita.
"Girl, I got two airline tickets.....Cause I know your fly ass is seeing somebody." said Ronette.
"Here he is right here....Ronette...This is Robert Foxworth...He's an Attorney, Got his own law firm." she said.
"Ouuuuuuuu...now he's a keeper...." she laughed. "Pleased to meet you Robert." she said and held that hand out with that shiny rock again...It was blinding me.
"Pleased to make your acquaintence" I said with a smile that was a half leer...She was wearing a low cut top that revealed a bra that was struggling mightily with her huge breasts...I couldn't help but stare.
Just then, a man sitting at the bar fell off of his stool and hit the floor...Several people gasped and about three guys helped him up....Ronette looked embarrassed and exasperated and sighed..
"That's the guy I'm gonna marry...That's Lenny....He works for the city...He's the Mayor's Chief of Staff's head administrative assistant." she said with a smile...
Oh really? I thought as I chuckled to myself.
II-
Later on at Bonita's place...I was slowly undressing her and kissing her on her neck and licking behind her ears....
''Ouuu Robert stop , you know that gets me hot." she said..
"That's what I'm trying to do." I said as I turned her towards me and slowly kissed her for a good three minutes....I was already nude and erect...She broke our embrace....
"Okay baby...In a minute.....I want to talk to you a minute.." she said while glancing at my raging
erection...
"Baby, we can talk afterwords I said as I finished taking her clothes off and began kissing her breasts...
"No..No, baby..I want to talk about this now....I really want you to think about taking this relationship to the next level." she said.
"That's what I'm tryin to do ." I said as I laid her across the bed....
"No stop silly, I mean, you know...we been kickin it for a minute and sexin it up....don't you ever think about making this , you know...a permanent relationship?" she asked..
"Yeah...sometimes...." I lied.
"You do???Ohhhhh Robert" she said and she began showering me with wet sloppy kisses...and I began kissing her just as sloppily and slowly easing as much of myself into her as humanly possible...
"
Ouuuuuuuuuuu...ohhhhhhhhhhhh.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....ohhhhhhh Robert....take
meeee....ohhhhhhh,I'm all yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs bayyy beeeeeeee..." she moaned as I began to stroke her softly at first and then faster and faster and harder....until we both came with a violent eruption.....
"Ohhh, that was good." she moaned.
"It was ,wasn't it?" I said as I reached over and grabbed a now lukewarm bottle of water and began quaffing it down...Good lovin always made me thirsty!
III-
Liquor and sex....They don't match...Liquor and the need for sex...They get a man to say many things...Many things he might have meant at the moment, but doesn't mean now!!!!! Bonita took what I said in the heat before our passion to mean that I was close to asking her to marry me..Nothing was farther from the truth...But if I wanted to continue to have sex with her ,I had to keep pretending and uping the ante so to speak.....
The next Thursday night, We found ourselves flying to Miami and then catching a short flight to the Virgin Islands where this wedding was to take place... I packed light...I took one suit, my brand new pair of $500.00 gators, My IPAD, My ipod of course and my Kindle...Got to have my
play things...I had a couple of bottles of cold water and some Cokes of course and a couple of cigars....I don't know why I bought em...Haven't smoked in years...Just thought they might come in handy.
Don't you pass out cigars at weddings?? No, that's when babies are born right?? Oh well!
The wedding was to take place on the beach....There were tents set up and under the tents were some of the best looking food I had ever seen...Our good friend from Philly, "Downtown "Rob Brown and his quartet was providing the music...They were under the second tent....Then there
was the tent where the actual wedding party was going to be seated.
"Isn't this beautiful Robert?" asked Bonita as she held my arm....
"I must admit...It is...but it looks a little overcast." I said.
" Oh that's because we are on the beach...it always looks like this." said Bonita.
I thought I had felt a few raindrops , but what did I know?
The Photographer looked like he had sampled a little too much of the punch.....I saw him pour two bottles of Jamesons into the punch and help himself to a big tall glass of it, but I didn't say anything.
"Okay guys...let's get some photos." he said.
"Aren't you supposed to wait until
after they get married ?" I said.
"Naw...Naw..come on man." He said...
Bonita and I posed...There was a huge fountain that had been set up on the beach...He kept backing up and backing up and before he snapped a photo, he tumbled head first into the fountain, splashing water on some of the wedding guests....This was met by several angry screams!!!
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...My dress..." "MY HAIR"...."YOU IDIOT!!!"
The party began....Lenny, the groom was totally wasted and collapsed on the beach!!! Ronette and her mother helped him up..
"Lenny, get your drunk ass together....You screw up my daughter's big day and I'll kill ya." said the old woman....I couldn't help but laugh...
We got Lenny and Ronette to the Veranda, along with the groomsmen and the bridesmaids and the service began-
''Dearly Beloved...We are gathered here today....."
I thought I had felt rain....I was right...It started with a few raindrops, then a lot..pretty soon a torrential rainstorm began to pour down.....the wind began to blow....Womens dresses blew completely up, showing me everything and
I mean everything....Men's lapels began to blow....
The top of the two tents blew off and rain and wind destroyed the beautiful food spread....People
were now running towards the mainland....screaming and yelling.
To make things worse...a huge wave stormed in from off the ocean and knocked Lenny, Ronette, the Preacher, Me, Bonita and several of the guests on the ground....Downtown Rob Brown and his band grabbed their instruments and began running, but the wind and water and waves knocked them down...
People were screaming and yelling and running and knocking things over left and right...The Preacher , who had to be close to eighty was out running everybody...Lenny attempted to run, but fell head over heels into the fountain...The same fountain the photographer had fallen into.....
I helped him get out and then got knocked over myself by the strong wind and the huge waves and the rains...
Epilouge-
Back in our hotel room, Bonita wrapped a towel around her head...She had a terrycloth bathrobe
on.....I was sitting on the bed in my boxers....My suit had been ruined....So had my gators....We looked out the window...It was pouring down rain.....She sat down next to me and laid her head on my shoulders...We saw a bit of lightning in the horizon.....
"Hey Neet...We can get married.....In a church....In Philadelphia....No beach..None of this crap." I said.
"For real Robert?" she said "After this disaster, you still want to?" she said.
''Yeah, what the hell...It can't be no worse than this....Did the pastor ever finish with the vows?"
I asked.
"Yeah he did....then he ran like everyone else." she laughed...
"He sure did...For a guy close to 80, he was running like a twenty year old." I said.
We both laughed at that....
"So they are married?" I asked as I opened her robe and began to fondle her breasts...She stuck her hands gently into my boxers and her eyes grew large...
"
My goodness Robert..are you always ....so stiff?" she asked, faking exasperation. We kissed and we fondled and stroked each other for a long while...
"I believe I am" I replied dryly as Bonita laughed....We made sweet love for close to an hour and when we were finally satisfied...we continued our conversation, right where we left off..
"Yeah, they married..." she said and laid her head in the crook of my shoulder....
The rain grew harder and more fierce and then the power went completely out...I heard a man in another room yell-
"DAMN IT! This whole trip was a disaster."
I held Bonita tightly in the bed and I giggled my head off....My name is Robert Foxworth, I'm an Attorney, this is my life!
