Friday, July 3, 2009

The House Dick!

"Alright...alright...everybody back up..nothing to see, there is nothing to see..just back it uppppp!!" said the man in the trenchcoat. It was all I could do not to laugh..Here we were on a ship at sea...Damn near 102 degree weather and this clown had on a trenhcoat..with shorts no doubt and deck sneakers...He looked ridiculous!

"I'm Franklin friends call me "Fearless Fosdick" and I'm the house detective on this boat....I'll be in charge of the investigation of this homicide until we get to shore.." he proclaimed.

He looked like comedian Martin Lawrence in one of his many disguises...I couldn't take him seriously. If this was the man they had investigating Slim Giddings murder..The killer didn't have a damn thing to worry about. Fearless Fosdick didn't look like he could find his way around the block,let alone solve a murder. As I stood there,another man, a short black man with an african accent and dark shades and a nicely tailored dark suit walked into the cabin where Slim Giddings badly beaten body lie.

"This man,ladies and gentlemen is my asistant investigator, Oleg Mboli...get out of his way and step back." announced Fosdick , who didn't seem to be doing anything except talking. Oleg Mboli seemed to be about his business...He dusted the room for prints...he took samples of blood
and tissue and bagged them, tagged them and gave to his men to have examined once on shore and then he quietly and politely began interviewing people near the scene of the crime..If I knew right..Oleg Mboli would probably solve this crime while "Fearless Fosdick" would loudly take all of the credit.

For once,I was not inclined to get myself involved...The way I saw it...whoever killed Slim Giddings deserved an award..he had probably said something insensitive out of his mouth and pissed somebody off, I reasoned. I grabbed a hold of Sepia's waist and allowed her to lead me into the dining area..

They had all kinds of breakfast food...Eggs cooked to order, Pancakes,Waffles,French Toast,Bacon,sausage and Hot Oatmeal....Iwasn't that hungry, but I ate it all....As Sepia and I enjoyed our meal..We looked over and saw Leonard holding Lolita's hand and sitting down at the
table right next to ours.

"Hey how you doing Sepia? You think we'll get lucky on the crap tables today?" asked Lolita.

"I think so girl...I got a good feeling about today." laughed Sepia.

"Hi Kevin...excuse my rudeness" laughed Lolita , showing no shame for what I had witnessed the
night before.

"Hey girl,how you doing?" I said with a phony laugh. I peered at Leonard sympathetically..He had been humiliated and exposed verbally by Eric last night...I imagined he must have felt like less of a man around me...I tried to look at him as sympathetically as I could...I wished I could have found the words to tell him that it was okay..that I at least partially understood. Lolita was a very attractive lady..she made heads turn and I'm sure she had turned his head and opened his nose. The Doc had laid down some cash for this trip alone and he seemed to be in the "friend zone" perpetually as Chris Rock would have said.

He didn't say much, he just sat playing with his fork and brooding....Sepia and Lolita went on jabbering I continued to stuff myself. If things weren't bad enough...Eric Derricote walked in and stopped by their table.

"Hey everybody.....I guess you guys heard about the murder of that poor guy last night..." he

''s such a shame" said Lolita.

"I had just switched rooms with him....that could have been me...." said Eric.

"It SHOULD HAVE been you!" said Leonard with a cool detached rage that was chilling to watch.

"Oh Leonard...what a horrible thing to say?" said Lolita.

"It's okay baby....Haters like your boy here don't faze me none....Hey doc..How'd you sleep last night,huh....??? KAPOWWWW!!!! wasn't hittin it like that...But I might have...heh,heh,heh...But it's cool..I didn't..If I had'd of heard her singing..."Touch me in the mornnnnnninn...then just walk away...hooooo lawd...KAPOW!!" jeered Eric..

At that Leonard leaped up and grabbed Eric , slamming him against the wall...Eric grabbed him and the two men spun around as everyone looked stunned...

"THAT'S ENOUGH....unhand each other..that's enough!!!! Oleg...cuff the pretty boy.." said Franklin "Fearless" Fosdick.

"Cuffs...what did I do?" said Eric.

"You switched rooms with him just before midnight....was this a set up??" said Fosdick as loud as
he could ,forcing heads to turn.

"What? I was down the hall... why would I kill him?"asked Eric.

"THAT's WHAT WE ARE GOING TO FIND OUT!" screamed Fosdick.

"Mr. Fosdick...if we are only questioning him, I don't think we should be hand cuffing him and screaming all of the facts out like this." cautioned Oleg Mboli.

"I'LL DO THA THINKIN AROUND HERE MBOLI AND DON'T YOUUUUU FORGET IT.' screamed Fosdick as they took Eric away in handcuffs...


Leonard smiled for the first fact he guffawed and slapped his knees as he enjoyed a hearty soul releasing laugh...I couldn't help it, but I laughed too..I didn't like Eric and I didn't like
the deceased much so that I really didn't care that an innocent man had just been detained by what was probably the stupidest detective I have ever seen...

"Kevin, stop that....I can't believe you are laughing at something like this." said Sepia...

"Leonard...I know you don't like Eric ,but he's in trouble...You know he didn't kill that guy..he's no killer." said Lolita.

"I don't know a damn thing...maybe he did.." laughed Leonard.

I was pretty sure that he didn't...I had finished laughing now and I remembered the crime scene.
Slim Giddings had been beaten very badly...I can't imagine anything he could have said that would have inspired that kind of violence..This had been a crime of passion..rage...I had to do some thinking about everything I saw and heard that night.. Thing is...How could I get past Fearless Fosdick?

To Be Continued.....


Toni said...

Ouuuuuu, This title made me think this was about something else...It turned out to be a very funny,funny
story...This triangle between Lolita,Leonard and Eric is off the hook...I'm still trying to figure out what it has to do with the murder, it didn't seem like Slim really knew any of them.

Angie B. said...

Keith,That title is a mess-lololol
good story though.

Sunflower said...

The House Dick??? A Detective named "Fearless Fosdick" Talk about double entendres's Keith..lolololol.

Lisa said...

You are so me all hot and bothered for nothing...lololol
The story was funny though...but I can't see Kevin's motivation to solve it...He's on his honeymoon..
Sepia seems to be keeping him qquite busy and he didn't like either the deceased or the accused
killer.. But I know Kevin..He's going to be in the thick of this mess soon's what he does.

Halo said...

Crazy title man....I'm going to hold off until I know more about this love triangle.

Vanessa said...

Wow,I'm kind of liking this...You got a volatile love triangle and a seemingly unrelated murder...I'm loving this Keith.

Brenda said...

What a title-"The House Dick' You just wanted to get a girl all hot and bothered..lololololol..It's been awhile.I certainly need some house- Oh never mind...I'm loving the story so far.

Cheryl said...

Hahahahahahahaha...When I saw the title I wondered _"Now what is he up to now? The story was good and the two detectives- Fearless Fosdick and Oleg Mboli are hillarious...Maybe Kevin doesn't have to solve this one..lololol.

Tate2 said...

That title has certainly got the women all fired up!-lolololol...I knew you were talking about a Detective the minute I read the first paragraph...Anyone who's been on a cruise knows that that's the nickname for Ship Security!
The "House Dick"

Anonymous said...

I was ready to toss my panties up in the air when I read that title..
Stop teasing!

Jazzy said...

Crazy title Fam, even crazier story!

Grover Tha Playboy said...

ROFLMAO @ the title and the story!
You crazy man!

Sean said...

You never cease to amaze me..You take the title from an age old term used to describe the police on a cruise ship ("The House Dick")and you borrow from the cartoon Quick Draw McGraw in fashioning your two investigating detectives...Great stuff!! lolololol.

James Perkins said...

Your imagination knows no bounds!

Simon Bastion said...

ROFLMAO!! Loved it...

Captain Jack said...

The House Dick? This title made me kind of hot and bothered!-lololol.

Swaggie said...

Great story,funny as hell!