Monday, July 6, 2009

Still Waters

"Heyyy Pretty mama, where have you been all my life?" said Eric Derricote to a lovely young woman at the bar.

"Avoiding guys with tired lines like that...Where'd you hear it, a 70's sitcom?" she replied dryly.

"I like em with sass like you..." replied Eric as he rubbed her arms up and down.

The sister looked at him and then asked him-

"Are you high?"

"Nah, nah baby..if I was high I'd be all over you." he laughed.

" Oh is that right? How you gon come up in my face? I saw you up on the top deck the other night lip locking with some chick and I saw you going in the same chick's cabin the night before so save the tired lines, get your hands off of me and take your little sideshow somewhere else playa." she said.

Eric's whole card had been played...He looked around and saw that Oleg Mboli and I had observed the entire thing..and were both slightly him!!

"Yall black women always complain about yall wants a good man and when a brother try to step to you, you get an attitude...that's just why I'm gon start dating white girls."he said.

"Whateva man, now could you just date somewhere else and leave me alone." she said.

"You probably into chicks...aint you?"he asked.

"Well one thing is for sure..I aint into beat it." she said.

With his ego bruised..Eric sulked and walked away. A little while later, Lolita entered the bar..she walked over to where Oleg Mboli and I were sitting and asked-

"Have you guys seen Eric?"

I couldn't resist it.....

"No, but she has." pointing to the young lady who had just shot him down. Mboli and I cracked up..Lolita had no idea why we were laughing, it had gone completely over her head. She just walked away and continued her search.

"Mr. Morris, between what you have told me and what one of my men uncovered in the trash can in the ship's bay...we've got to move fast." He said.

"Did you match the prints on the gun?" I asked.

"We don't have the equipment to do that on ship...We have to wait until we get to shore ,which will be soon...only..he might get away by then.." said Oleg.

"We can bluff him...he doesn't have to know that." I said.

"Bluff him, Mr. Morris?" he asked.

"Yeah,I made a career out of it back in Philly ." I said.

"Okay...Then let's move quickly." said Oleg Mboli.

Dr. Leonard Culpepper was searching the trash recepticle in the area where he had been shot the day before...

"You wouldn't happen to be looking for this would you Dr.Culpepper?" said Oleg Mboli, holding the small pistol in a plastic evidence bag.

I walked up to him and shook my head solemly-

"It was you wasn't it Leonard?"

Dr. Culpepper said nothing, he stood there looking surprisingly smug and confident.

"After Eric humiliated you on the deck the other night you were seething with rage...You went to his room with blood in your eye...Only you didn't know that he had switched rooms with Slim Giddings. It was dark, you were in a drunken rage and you beat Slim Giddings to death with your bare hands. You didn't discover you had killed the wrong man until the next morning. Then you shot at Eric three times and you missed....You're a surgeon, not a marksman....and you shot yourself to make it look good, to cover your tracks. You tossed the gun into the trash recepticle..Only it's got your prints on it..and you were coming back to get it when the coast was clear. That sound about how it happened Leonard?" I asked him.

Leonard smiled...

"Yes...that sounds can't prove it...You don't have equipment on this ship that could process my fingerprints, whether they are on the gun or not...and that gun only proves that I shot at, but did not kill Eric.....There are no witnesses and no evidence to prove I killed Mr. got can't detain me and by the time you check that gun on shore..I'll be long gone...It's international waters...What country will I be charged in?"He smirked.

He was right...we didn't have enough to hold him and we had to let him go...Oleg looked at me...I shrugged my shoulders....The most we could contain him for was attempted murder...We couldn't charge him with the murder of Slim Giddings, even though we knew that he had done it.

We stood there as he walked away and then we heard, what he heard coming from Eric's cabin....
A bed sqeaking loudly and moans of pleasure-

"Ohhhhhh, ohhhhh, ohhh my gawd....oh it's so's sooooo hard...ouuuuuuuuuu....
Ohhhhh, ohhhh Eric, give it to me, give it to me daddy..ohhhhhhhh...give mama some more....
ohhhhhh yesssssssss,yesssss..."

"Ohhh baby, am I hittin that thang or what? "

"yesssss...yesssss....oh I like it...ohhhhhhhhh.....I like it....give mama some more....."

"Ohhhh girl, you got me about to blow....ohhhhhh..."

"No not yet..jus a lit bit longer....just a little bit longer...ouuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

"Lolita!!! ,Lolita....she's in there with him now...after all I've done...after all I've done.....I don't believe Lolita..." screamed Leonard....

Before we could stop him....Dr. Leonard Culpepper ran toward the edge of the ship and dove off into the Atlantic Ocean....

"Goodbye cruel world...argggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" he said as he leaped overboard and into the ocean. We heard a loud splash! and people came running out of their cabins looking over the side..

Oleg Mboli got on his radio and called the shore police immediately....

"Man overboard!!!! Man Overboard!!" He shouted...

In all the commotion, I saw Lolita Giles, fully clothed running toward the topside of the ship-

"Oh my God...What happened? Kevin ,what happened? Did something happen to Eric?" she screamed!

"No...No....That was Leonard!! Leonard just jumped off the ship into the ocean." I said.

"Oh my God....Oh nooooo, who will pay for the rest of this cruise?? Oh my Goddddddd." she screamed.

"Wait a minute...Wait a minute...You're not with Eric?" I asked, grabbing Lolita.

"No..I'm looking for him." she said.

'Well if you're not with Eric....who is in his room?" said Oleg Mboli.

Just then, Eric emerged from his cabin with just a towell, wrapped around him... A short brown skinned black woman with a short jheri curl type hairstyle came out behind him....She looked dazed...she had on ,only a short nighty that didn't hide her breasts or anything else for that matter. Upon seeing Lolita, Eric was startled...He tried to shove the woman back in the room....

"What is wrong with you....stop pushing me." said the woman.

"Eric, you two timing dog....I can't believe this...." screamed Lolita...

"Aww now baby, I can explain...I was drunk..I thought this was you...Now see, what had happened was..." sputtered Eric.

'Oh save it you dog, we are through." snapped Lolita..

"You can have him honey....I shoulda known that you wasn't nothing but a playa...let me grab
my clothes..." said the other woman.... Just then, the girl in the bar who Eric had initially hit on
walked by and just shook her head...

"So glad I didn't get involved with dog.."

Lolita shook her head.....

"Oh my God...I'm missing for one afternoon and you're trying to stick it in every girl you see!!!
You nasty lowdown dogggg!! ouuuuuuuuu." she said as she stormed off in one direction and the
other woman stormed off in the other direction.
Eric shrugged his shoulders- "What the hell did I do? " He said. I patted him on the shoulders...
"Don't worry about it E. There are plenty of women on this ship." I laughed as Oleg and I walked off.

One week later-

"Wow Kevin, this was ,let's just say a cruise I won't forget.." laughed Sepia.

"Well coming over here was...The beach was nice and that was the best hotel service I've ever
had, wouldn't you say? "I said.

"Yeah....Shame my girl Lolita had to go home before she even got to enjoy the rest of the package." said Sepia.

"Yeah, hahahahahahahahaha...Seems like someone else was enjoying Eric's package..hahahahaha." I laughed as we continued packing and waiting for the Taxi to take us to the airport.

"What about Dr. Culpepper?" she asked.

"Well, The Shore Patrol and The U.S. Coast Guard searched for his body...but they didn't find anything....I doubt if he could have survived those deep waters for long...His body will show up
sooner or later. I did hear from Oleg Mboli..They checked the gun and the prints matched....So he was the one who shot at Eric and he did shoot himself." I said.

"Do you still think he killed Mr. Giddings?" asked Sepia.

"Oh yeah, I'm certain it was him....He didn't know Slim Giddings, but he knew that that was Eric's room...He meant to kill Eric...but it was dark and he beat the wrong man to death. It was a case of mistaken identity..he didn't know that they had switched rooms." I said.

"Will they be able to charge him with murder if in fact he is alive?" she asked.

"Probably not...but who cares? I wasn't really heavily invested in this case anyway." I laughed.

Just then the cab drove up and Sepia and I got in.....Then I heard a familiar voice....

"This is Franklin "Fearless" Fosdick at your service for your transportaion pleasure sir and madam." he said.

"Detective Fosdick???" said Sepia.

"Uh,Ruh....I used to be a detective on the ship..The S.S. Stingray.....Mr.Mboli is the house Detective now...I was let go for firing my weapon into my foot again..That's the third time it's gone off this year..I shot a passenger by accident, I shot the radio the second time and then I accidentally shot myself....They had just had enough...So I'm driving cabs and working the bar
until I can make enough money to get back to the states." He said as he drove us to the Airport.
Sepia looked at me.....I looked at her and we both just started giggling to ourselves!!
For Soloman


Blu Jewel said...

I needed to read this; this afternoon. It was thoroughly entertaining and put a big old smile on my face. Reading your stories always plays out visually in my head.

Good stuff as usual.

Love to live; live to love!

Sean said...


Toni said...

Wow! Leonard was the killer?? I didn't actually think it was him...and now he's gone missing??
What an ending...I know he'll be back, I just know it.

Angie B. said...

Cool ending to a real cool and hillarious caper!

Sunflower said...

And so the triangle is no more...Hillariously cool and yet bittersweet ending!

Lisa said...

All Lolita was worried about was how her trip was going to be paid..
Incredible and incredibly funny ending..Seems like everybody got what they deserved in the end.

Halo said...

Loved this ending Keith..The killer escapes ,which means he may return later..Eric got exposed for the dog he was..Lolita was forced to return home and Fearless Fosdick wound up driving a cab,While Oleg Mboli became the house detective he deserved to be.
This was sweet!

Vanessa said...

a very satisfying ending Keith!

Brenda said...

I hated to see this story end...I was laughing every episode.

Cheryl said...

All's Well that ends well I guess..
Really liked this ending..What's next?

James Perkins said...

Parts of this had me guffawing, and parts made me a little sad..I actually felt sorry for Fosdick.
Only Eric and Lolita got what they deserved. I even felt sorry for Leonard Cullpepper. Hope he returns in a future caper.

Simon Bastion said...

I loved this caper Keith...What's next?

Tate 2 said...

I figured the killer was Leonard Cullpepper. In Stingray,when you said that Slim Giddings was switching rooms with Eric at the last minute, I figured that whoever killed him ,killed the wrong man...After the way Eric talked to him in front of his woman,I would have tried to kill Eric too.Only I wouldn't have waited!

Jazzy said...

I had Culpepper as the killer. You through me when he got shot too,but then you made it make sense..Like I knew you would.

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Man this was good stuff.

Swaggie said...

Incredible wrap up as usual..Who's
up next? Chess, Fathead or 88 and Reed?

Captain Jack said...

Keith,you out did yourself with this one..I just loved it.

Solomon said...

To funny Keith! You always come up with something new and more exciting than the last time. I got a pretty good laugh out of this caper. It's a ggod thing too, I could use that laugh today.