On A Platter!

I was sitting in Sweeney's Deli enjoying a delicious Hot Roast Beef Sandwich Chips and Ice Tea. I called out to Mr. Sweeney.

"Hey Sween...you got any Cole Slaw?"

"Nah Kevin, I'm all out....How about Potato Salad?" he called back...

"Works for me." I said.


"Enjoying yourself Kevin?" came a familiar voice. I looked up and it was my main man..Sean Jackson.

"What's good Sean?" I said.

"Besides that Roast Beef sandwich you're eatin....well....Clerow delivered the CD to Cole Butler
just like you planned it...Him and Lockpick Johnson put it in his car so that he won't miss it when he gets in.I gotta tell ya...That guy,Peeping Tom is a genius....He's got moaning and groaning on there from some of my favorite porn movies... and even a sound of a bed breaking and falling on the floor. He recorded Monique cooing and saying-"Oh you big stud...you broke my bed..."
Hahahahahahahahaha...Clerow and I hollered when we heard that man." said Sean.

" The important thing is...the CD has to be convincing enough to drive Butler over the deep end." I said.

"Oh hell Kevin....it will...The sounds on that disc would drive me over the deep end if I thought my girl was screwing another guy, if not make me downright horny." he laughed.

"Sean, you're a freak." I said...

"You aint never lied." laughed Sean.

An hour later, Donald Smooth and I were sitting outside of Monique's house. The same car I had seen a few nights before outside of Josie's was sitting at the end of the block. The windows were tinted so I couldn't see who was in the car. I imagined that whoeever was in that car was
listening to a CD with all kinds of sex sounds...moaning, groaning...a bed squeaking and then crashing to the ground and then the voice of the woman he was obsessed over saying how horny that had made her and begging for more. If I knew right...It was making him furious.

As planned....Monique came from the opposite side of the street...I got out of the car and walked
over to her...I kissed her passionately in the lips and then the two of us walked inside the house.
My cell phone went off almost immediately....it was Donald Smooth.

"Showtime Kev....Our boy just got out of his car and he is as hot as a pistol...He's headed right for the house."

"Good,he's playing right into my hands." I laughed as I ushered Monique out the back door and
cut the lights off. I used my cell phone to activate a CD player in her bedroom....

"Ohhhhhhhhhh...Ohhhhhh gawd...ohhhhh my gawddd...ohhhhh Billy, it's soooo good....soooo
goood....ohhhhhhh, please....I can't take anymore....ohhhhhhh...."came Monique's voice.

"Ummmmmmph....oh girl...oh girl...oohhhhhhhhhhhh, you are sooo damn goood...ohhhhhh.."
came my voice.

With the speakers I was using...I knew that he could hear it from outside.....He could hear the bed squeaking too...

"Oh baby, break this damn bed like you did last week...ohhhhhh you made me soooo hot when you did that...ohhhhhhhh..." came her moans.

Outside, Cole Butler was furious...he began banging on the door....

"OPEN UP...OPEN UP...YOU WHORE...I'LL KILL YOU AND THAT NIGGA...OPEN UP THIS
DOOOR...AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGGGGH." he screamed. It was all I could do to contain myself.

Finnally, he pulled out his service revolver and shot the lock! He took his foot and kicked the door in... He flicked on the lights and charged up the stairs in a rage and shot the lock off the bedroom door and kicked the door in...

To his surprise, There was a made up bed and a CD player with the same device he had used to activate a tape recorded message sent from a hotel to this very house. He looked around and then began laughing...He was sweating profusely...

"Oh...Oh my God....this was a trick....Oh my god....I got played...phew...." he laughed...

"Hello Cole...Cole Butler right? Yeah that was funny wasn't it?" I laughed as I stood in the doorway...

He looked up in amazement.......

"YOU??? I thought...."

"Yeah, you thought I was dead.....Almost...but not quite..." I said...

"Okay, so you got me back...Who are you?" he said, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm justice....You're a bully and I hate bullies." I sneered.

"Yeah, well I'm also a cop and there aint nothin more you can do about this....You got your little
laugh at my expense....so we are even..." he said.

"Not even close...I want you to meet a friend of mine......I'm sure you know her...She's your boss." I said as Lieutenant Sissy Van Buren of Philadelphia Homicide and two internal affairs Detectives and three uniformed policemen walked in the room with him.

"Heyyyy,what is this about?" he said.

"Cole...I want your badge." She said.

"My badge? For this crap?" he said incredulously.

"Well, we've got breaking and entering, shooting a firearm without cause in a populated area,
stalking, making terroristic threats and something else....Funny thing Cole, a stream of Prostitutes, Pimps, Drug dealors, Strippers, Gamblers and other never do wells came by the station today and filed charges against you for shaking them down for money...Apparently , they got anonymous calls from someone telling them that today would be the best day to do so....We are looking into all of those claims... You tried to murder my friend here, a Private Detective and I hear that you kidnapped some girl...a girl who you were stalking....Oh my God Cole...you're not fit to wear a badge..Hand it over....You're done." said Sissy as the two uniforms handcuffed Cole Butler.

"Now Cole...We are even."I said as they walked him out to the police car. He looked at me like he wanted to kill me.

"See you around.." he said.

''Yeah, in about ten to twenty....I'll be waiting." I said, staring at him without a hint of a smile or intimidation...I detested him...Even more so than some actual thugs I had dealt with.

Donald Smooth gave me a ride back in town....I stopped in the deli and picked up a hot roast beef sandwich. Smooth took me back to my car and we said good night. I sat outside the dusty apartment building where I heard the real sound of a bed squeaking and ungodly cries of lust coming from both a man and a woman...

Finnally after about an hour and a half...Eugene emerged from the apartment fixing his pants and his shirt. He walked over to my car and I passed him the Roast Beef sandwich.

"This from Sweeney's ?" He asked.

"Yeah...it was hot, but it's probably cold now." I said.

"That's okay....I worked up an appetite." He laughed.

"Yeah, I heard." I said as I watched him chow down right there in the street.

"It was you that took me to emergency wasn't it Eugene.?...Made up that lie that you found me on the side of the highway?" I laughed.

"Yeah man...I didn't want no murder on my head, especially not over some woman that wouldn't give in to the questionable charms of Cole Butler." he said with more than a hint of sarcasm. How he must have despised Cole Butler all of this time, but like everyone else..was too afraid of him to do anything about him.

"Thanks...I owe you....And that was pretty smart of you to make anonymous calls and get those people to come forward...That keeps you out of it." I said.

"Yeah...I was gettin tired of lying for Cole and being talked to like I was some kid of his...I'm glad he's off the force." said Eugene.

"Yeah, me too." I said...

"So what are you going to do now ?" he asked.

"Me? I'm going home to my wife and I suggest that you do the same." I said with a wink as I drove off.... I saw Eugene waving in my rearview mirror ...I just laughed.

(For Mac Walton...Rest in Peace!)