Two Women Walk into a Bar

Ella killed her vocals...Me, Meek Rollins and Bone Hampton sat in the booth and were enraptured by her vocals...

"That's a rap...cut." yelled Meek to the engineer... It had been a good night...We had cut three songs on Ella...Each to be used on Bone and me's colloba CD...Which was very close to being finished...

The band had recorded their parts...All that was left to do was to mix the tracks and we were as good as done!

"Okay folks , great session, great session and it's still early..let's go to Josies for some drinks."he said.

"Sounds good to me." I said..

"I'm with it." said Bone.

"Heyyyyy..what am I, chopped liver?  I wanna hang."said Ella.

"Cool with me!" said Bone Hampton showing all of his teeth..

"I knew it would be." whispered Meek Rollins...I chuckled.

II-

Inside Josies...A D.J. was playing and people were dancing and at the bar... I saw the cashier I'd run into a few days before..She looked different in jeans and a nice top..
She was sitting with her girlfriend...

Ella, Bone Hampton, Meek and I sat in the booth directly behind them... They were talking loud-

"So we had a real long talk last night before he came over..." 

"Yeah?" 

''Yeah...I asked him if that was really his wife he was all mushy mushy with."

''What he say?"

"He said that she just some girl he used to mess with that is tryin to get back wit him....still hooked on his long pipe."

''And you believed him? He'd tell you anything to get some.   Hold up...Wait a minute...Tell me you didn't give  him none?  You did ,didn't you."

''Aww girl....He was so sweet...He come over at quarter to one...right after he finished payin his crew off and he looked so tired...had them puppy dog eyes and I just couldn't resist."

"I know what you couldn't resist...His penis..."

"Well...uh yeahh..tee hee hee."

"Damn , some people tell all they business " snorted Ella...

"Yeah ,like we want to hear that." said Bone Hampton....

Meek Rollins and I looked at each other...

"So Ella...Where is your man tonight?" asked Meek.

Bone Hampton stared daggers  at Meek, but he was undeterred.

"Oh you mean Silk?" she asked.

''Yeah.. " said Meek.

"I don't know...I don't live with him...but one thing is for sure...I know that he aint out cattin around.. That man works and then he comes home to me...." she said proudly.

"Oh yeah, is that right? He works and comes home to you?" said Meek sarcastically.

"Yeah...I mean ,we don't have the best relationship...We fight...but what couple don't?  He's good to me.. I mean , he aint perfect...I wish...I wish sometimes he would get a straight job...but he workin on it." she said.

I said nothing... I could tell that Bone Hampton would rather not have had the conversation go this way.

"Okay baby...if you say so." said Meek, laughing and turning his glass up to his mouth.

III-

Josies was packed....Unusual for a night when there was no headliner, just a DJ....We continued to drink and Silk E. Smooth walked into Josies!!!!! Maybe if it hadn't of been so crowded he might have seen Ella sitting with us and turned around and left....but he glided right by our booth, went over to the next booth where my former cashier was sitting with her girlfriend and planted a long wet sloppy sensuous kiss on her lips....

Her girlfriend retorted-

"Yall two need to get a room...tee hee..."

Silk smiled at her and said-

"Thas what we goin to do...We goin to her apartment and we gon do the funky chicken...heh..heh ..hehhhh." he laughed.

Ella was not amused...

"OH NO HE DIDN'T!" she screamed...She threw the contents of her drink on Silk and my former cashier..

"SILK YOU WHORE!!!!!!!  ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT YOU WAS OVER YOUR SICK COUSIN'S HOUSE..." she screamed...

"Ella!!!...Ella? What you doin in Josies on a Wednesday night?" he said....

"Silk, who is that heifer?" said my cashier....

"Heifer?? Who you callin heifer??"screamed Ella, who leaped over the booth...


"Now wait a minute.....Ladies....Ah was over my sick cousin's house....Ah was...Ladies please." he pleaded..

"You liar....You aint never gettin none of this no more,." said the cashier...

"You slept with my man??? " screamed Ella who cold cocked Silk and sent him flying.....

Then another voice was heard-

"YOUR MAN...That's MY HUSBAND!!!"

Ella and my cashier turned around...So Did the cashier's girlfriend....

"HUSBAND????" they said in unison....

"I got an anonymous phone call telling me that he might be in here tonight with some bimbo....I come in here and now I find that there are two of you!!! Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll nawwwwwwww...Silk...your clothes is gonna be in the front courtyard tomorrow!" she screamed...

By now Silk was up pleading, trying to explain....

"Baby...Please....now listen....they don't mean nothin to me...In my line of work I meets all kinds of women...You the only one I love...Baby please...Please...PLEASE!" he said to his wife.

"That aint what you told me last night when you was all up in me ,humpin and sweatin." said the cashier..

''Last NIGHT???...You told me you was stayin with your sick cousin ."screamed Ella...


Meek Rollins looked at Bone Hampton and me and then did his best impersonation of Ella-

"Ah mean ,we don't have the best relationship...We fight...but what couple don't?  He's good to me.. I mean , he aint perfect...I wish...I wish sometimes he would get a straight job...but he workin on it."

At this point..I spit my drink out...I was in stitches....Bone Hampton got up and stormed out....I started to go after him, but Meek grabbed me...

"Let him go Reed, he mad at himself....he'll get over it." he said.

The argument raged on until Honey Brown, Eddie and Andrew on orders from Gus grabbed all of them and gave them the bums rush....

Meek Rollins and I were still laughing so hard...we fell out of our chairs....

Gus stood over us, shaking his head!

IV-

Later that night at home, Debbie was cracking up as we sat in our living room drinking wine and I told her about the nights events...

"Oh my God...you mean to tell me that somebody married Silk E. Smooth?" she laughed.

"Well you know what they say...there's somebody for everybody." I laughed.

"Sounds like he had quite a few bodies..." she laughed.

"Gives me an idea for a song." I laughed..

"Don't write it tonight babe.....Not for this CD...I don't think Bone Hampton would like it." she said.

"Yeah, you right." I said and laughed...

"By the way...You said that Silk's wife said she got an anonymous phone call?  Who do you think did that?" she asked.

I smiled slyly....

"Yeah...I wonder who?"

(To Be Continued...)