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Monday, May 1, 2017

She Who Laughs Last

Josie's was hopping tonight...It was Thursday...Fried Chicken wings night...Thanks to Mabel Jenkins's Soul food restaurant, Fried Chicken, Fried Shrimp, Gumbo and an assortment of catered goodies was being served tonight...

Tonight was also the culmination of our Neighborhood's Annual Festival ,which was sponsered by Chris and Chess , who owned the two Shopping centers, and several Apartment Complexes, Lofts and Condos in the area...

All week long..Josie's had live entertainment paid for by Chris and Chess's company...and catered food, donated by Mabel Jenkins and several of the neighborhood's eateries..


All free of charges...we all were munching the delicious fried chicken platters being served...

Me, Donnie Ray Alexander, In house investigator for my wife, Attorney Olivia Bennett Alexander and her niece, Beverly West...


debuted my little group....


A Keyboardist, A Bassist, A drummer and A Guitarist...with me, playing the trumpet tonight...

Josies was packed to capacity almost every night...


Reed Nelson and 88 reunited and reunited their Quintet and played Monday and Tuesday Night Sets..


Downtown Rob Brown and Bone Hampton played  Late Tuesday Night and Wednesday Night and tonight..

My band shared the bill with the Liquid love Band..Featuring..Blind Man Chazz on the keyboards
and Sax man, Dutch Van Buren....
Oh it was a star studded night, despite the fact that rapper "Timebomb" could not make it tonight...He had instead been replaced by a comedian...who was set to appear after the break...

Gus, who owned Josies and still tended bar said to Beverly and Josie..

''Sorry your guy Timebomb couldn't make it tonight girls...I know you all wanted to see him.."

"That's okay Gus...The live music has been good.." said Beverly...

"So are these Fried Chicken wings.." laughed Josie...as she munched on a wing...

"Who is the comedian Gus..? That's replacing Timebomb...He'd better be funny.."laughed Olivia..

"She'd better be funny...It's a woman...She's an Attorney, like you girls...She moonlights as a Stand up comedian at night.." said Gus..

"Hmmmm, seems like I've heard that combonation before...but I can't put my finger on it.." said Beverly...

"Yeah, Me too." laughed Olivia..
"Hey Shortcake, here comes your fella." said Gus.

Attorney Nelson East walked over to Beverly and kissed her..

"Hey Gus...Hey baby!" he said.

"Mmmmmm I like the taste of your lipstick.." he said..

"Gladd you like it.." said Beverly...

"Come on Josie...Let's leave these two....Donnie Ray's set is starting.." said Olivia..

Josie just laughed and followed Olivia...

II-

 My band came on next .We played 7 numbers on our set ... We were met by raucous applause...

Next I did a Trumpet solo and we broke into our signature number...A Number that had the entire crowd dancing and jumping...  Even Gus was from behind the bar, snapping his fingers and grooving to the beat....

Sitting down front, by herself and beaming with pride was my number one fan, Olivia...At least three men asked her to dance...She refused politely and explained that she was the Trumpet players girl...She then turned her attention to me and smiled and clapped animatedly...

After we were done..We got a standing ovation...I walked over to Olivia...

"Wow Babes..This suit s definitely going to have to go to the cleaners...I'm drenched in sweat.." I laughed..

''Wow, you are...Look at you..." she laughed... "You were so good baby....and I'm not just saying that either..." she said..
''Well we could always go back in the foyer and uh you could show me how much you appreciated my performance..." I said raffishly..

"You're too sweaty....and never in here as packed as this place is.." she said..."But I will join you in the shower when we get home.." she said and winked at me...



Beverly, Josie and Nelson were sitting in a booth with Paris, Blake, Chance Howard, Anita Jenkins, Cole and Nicole Butler and Cherish....

Symphony Sam walked to the stage...

"Ladies and Gentlemen ,don't forget to show your waitresses how much you appreciate them...Tip generously... Except Honey Brown...!" he said... The audience laughed..
 Honey Brown, Gus's second in command and Manager playfully gave Symphony Sam the middle finger which caused the crowd to explode in laughter...



"And now our featured guest...She's an Attorney by night and a Stand Up Comedian by day....So laugh at her jokes or she'll sue you.." said Symphony Sam..

The Crowd laughed....

"Show your love for Ms. Karen White.." he said..

Nelson drooped down in his seat....

"Awwwwwwwwwww HELL!!!" he said..

"What's the matter buddy?" asked Chance Howard...

"That's Nelson's ex...." laughed Beverly...

"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" said Chance, Anita, Cherish, Cole and Nicole...

"Damn bud." said Paris...

"Don't sweat it...Now you get to laugh at her..." said Blake...
"Don't bet on that..Wait until you hear her act." said Beverly...

''She's not lying.."said Nelson.
"Damn...I remember her....Nelson's ex-girlfriend....She was an Attorney...She gave it up for Stand Up Comedy." I said.

"Yes..We heard her before...Remember? She was awful....She should have went back to practicing law...It couldn't have been as bad as her stand up.." said Olivia...

III-
Karen came on the stage...She was met by applause...Obviously these people hadn't heard her stand up routine...

"Hello yall...As Symphony Sam Said... I am a practicing Attorney...Yeah, I went back..I practice in the day and do this at night so you better laugh at my jokes or I'll sue your asses..." she said..

That was met with only light laughter...

She told her first joke...Nothing...She then went into another long monolouge that went nowhere...Again nothing...

She then chided the crowd for not laughing...

A pretty young woman sitting in the middle of the audience said-

"Well I guess we all gonna get sued because you aint said nothing yet that was funny.."she said..

This got more laughs than anything the comedian said all night...

"Oh Look, a Heckler.....And it's you...Admit it heiffer , you're a fan....You've heckled me in two clubs and now here..." said Karen..

"I was unfortunate both those nights....I was here for the chicken wings..." said the woman...who took two of them and poured a little hot sauce on them...and began to eat...

Again, More laughter...

''Everybody's a comedian.." said Karen..

"Except you!" said the woman...

The crowd exploded  into laughter....

"Hmm,I wonder if she's part of the act?" I mused..

"That would be funny....because she's getting more laughs than Karen...."said Olivia..

Karen ignored her and went into another monolouge..

..Nothing...She then went into another long monolouge that went nowhere...Again nothing...

"You people need to order some more drinks, to lighten up.." she said.

 "They need to order some more drinks to forget you're on the stage." said the pretty woman in the middle of the audience...

There was more guffaws and raucous laughter and clapping now!

"Why don't you give me a break?" said Karen, staring daggers at the woman...

"Why don't you give us a break and say something funny?" said the woman...

The crowd exploded into laughter....and there was more clapping!.

"She's funny isn't she?  So funny I forgot to laugh... I forgot how to laugh..."said Karen...

Silence...Nobody was laughing....

"So did we" said a man in the crowd....

More laughter!

"Tough crowd...Tough crowd tonight ."said Karen, who went into another long monolouge that went nowhere and got no laughs....

 Surprisingly, Beverly was laughing..

 "Oh My god, she is horrible...I didn't think she could be worse than she was the last time we saw her, but she surprised me.." she said..laughing so hard, tears were flowing from her eyes..

 and staring at Nelson , who was groaning..

He was just shaking his head...

"Damn dog, she's terrible..."said Blake..

"Nelson, don't tell nobody you used to date her..I hope she was better in bed than she is on stage.." whispered  Paris...

"She couldn't have been any worse." groaned Nelson.

Anita, Cherish and Nicole were frowning...

''She sucks!" they said in unison....

Chance Howard chuckled a little bit at her last joke...

Cole looked at him...

"You serious Chance?" he asked.

"That one was a little funny." he said.

"Yeah, just a little.." said Cole.


Karen went into another monolouge, but before she was finished...The woman in the audience spoke again..

"Damn is this story going somewhere...??"

The audience exploded into laughter....

"Maybe they should pay YOU!...I'm the one that's gettin paid to do this.." she said icily at the woman.

"Well you're  just stealin the church's money because you aint funny..." said the woman...

The place exploded in more laughter....and more clapping...

"What's the matter, your mommy and daddy didn't pay enough attention to you as a child?" asked Karen...

"They did...They told me not to be a comedian...What did yours tell you?" said the woman...

The crowd roared with laughter and clapping!

 "OH MY GOD!" laughed Olivia....

Olivia and I and everybody else was laughing uncontrollably.....at the remarks coming from the heckler.

Karen told about three more lackluster jokes...No response... In fact, the crowd was thinning out, People were ordering drinks, walking around, even leaving...


"Boy this is a rough crowd....What's the matter , you guys drunk or something?" she asked...

"If they aren't they need to be...." said the female heckler...

The crowd busted out laughing at this point...

Mercifully, Symphony Sam walked up on the stage...

"Okay folks..Give your love to Ms. KAREN WHITE yall...KAREN  WHITE!!!"he said...

There was a smattering of applause...Polite Applause...

"Hey, I wasn't finished yet...I had three more jokes to tell.." said Karen...

"Believe me...you were finished....I'm doin you a favor baby..." said Symphony Sam...

"Let me come back tomorrow night.." begged Karen..

"Nah..we got ten D.J.'s comin tomorrow night...We havin a dance party..."said Symphony Sam..

"Yeah,but I got a whole new act..." she pleaded..

"You should have used it tonight...We trying to keep customers we got and attract more...You runnin folks out of here..." he said...

"It was that heckler...She ruined my act.." said Karen..

"She got more laughs than you did..If anything...She SAVED your act...We shoulda hired HER!"said
Symphony Sam, who doled out her pay in cash...

''Awwwwwwwwwwww come on... I tried those jokes out at Jackie the Joke Man's joint and they fell out." she said.

''Really?  How much had they been drinkin? Here take this..It's your pay .... A word of advice..You say you're an Attorney...Stick to the courtroom baby.." said Symphony Sam...

Honey Brown looked at Shine, who booked talent and asked..

"You slept with her didn't you?" she said ,shaking her head..

He smiled sheepishly...

"Nooooo Not with her...Her manager...She asked me to book her as a favor." he confessed...

"Gus fired you a couple of years ago when you booked that no talented singer that you were sleeping with..You better watch yourself." said Honey Brown..

"Hey her manager said she was an up and coming comedian, I figured....How bad can she be?" he said..

"Yeah? Well now you know! If I was you...I'd leave out the back entrance...Gus is steaming..." said Honey Brown..

"Yeah...Hell, she was terrible! I-I think I will" said Shine..

Beverly was holding her sides, she was laughing so hard...

Nelson was mortified...

"Nelson ,she was terrible...The Heckler woman was funnier than her.." said Josie...

"I know...I know...I was mortified..."said Nelson...

Beverly nibbled on his ear...

"That's okay baby...Come on home with me...I'm gonna make up for that...All night long...God, she was terrible..."said Beverly...

Nelson smiled...

"Wow...Aint nothin funny bout that..." said Nelson...

"Come on baby...Let's get out of here..After that...I need a drink or some sex..."I said..

"I need both.."laughed Olivia...

As everyone began to leave....Karen approached the woman who was heckling her all night..

''What is your problem? What did I ever do to you? This makes three seperate dates where you've ruined my act..."said Karen..

"Ruined your act? Is that what it was??...I hope you're a better Attorney than you are a comedian...because you suck...If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have gotten a single laugh tonight..In fact...you didn't get a single laugh...They were laughing at me..You should be paying me!"said the woman...

"If I see you at any of my next gigs..I'll kill you, I swear.." said Karen...

"Whatever!!!....Tell some funny jokes and you won't have to worry about me.." said the woman , who got into a BMW and left...

Karen was furious...She kicked a trash can over and stormed over to her car and pulled off in a huff..

"Well...That went rather well.." said Olivia..

"Come on baby, let's go home.." I said..

IV-
Olivia and I barely got inside our domicile ,when we started kissing like two teenagers...


"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Olivia baby,I couldn't wait..." I said..

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I seee..." she said as she unbuckled my trousers...and they fell to my ankles...I kicked my shoes off and stepped out of them...and continued kissing her passionately...

I lifted her skirt up and rubbed her smooth brown legs....She was wearing some silky black bikini panties, which I slipped down and off..

"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..." she moaned...as she slipped my boxers down...

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I like these..."I said..

''Any pair I have that you don't like?" she asked.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmm noo...None I can think of..."I said..

"I like what you have in your pants..." she said ,softly

I unzippered her dress and she fell out of it....I slowly unhooked her matching black bra and lifted her small petite frame up...

"Ummmmmmmm..." I moaned...as I began to thrust inside of her....

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Donnie Ray, ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...Oh My goodness...ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.."she moaned...

She was so wet, so soft...and smelled so good, I thought I was going to lose my mind...

I couldn't stop....I couldn't get enough....
I laid Olivia across the bed gently and we began making sweet love...slowly, tenderly.....

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm work me daddy, work me..." cooed Olivia softly...

"Ohhhhhhhh lawd girl...ummmmmmmmmmmmph!" I moaned...

A floor below us... Beverly and Nelson were way ahead of us..

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nelson....Nelson, Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you feel so good baby! You are hittin my spots baby...ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Let me take my dress off...ohhhh" moaned Beverly...



"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu girl...Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..I couldn't wait....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goddddd!" he moaned...hurriedly coming out of his clothes...

now, already in bed, making sweet love..

While we were in the  throes of passion...At the loft of the young woman who had been heckling Karen White all night long...

She was just getting in her loft ...She made a phone call...

"Hey...just got in....It's 3:12 am...I went solo tonight...I was at Josies...I had a nice time...The band was great....The comedian...was horrible...It was that woman .Karen White...The one I told you about...She's some kind of lawyer by day...Ughhhhhhhhhh, She sucked...but enough about her....I was thinking you might want to stop by tonight and uh suck too!!! If you know what I mean and I know you do .... I'm up...but not for long, so hurry over.." she said..

She had obviously left a message...

She never saw her door opening...

Someone aimed a .38 smokeless at her and fired two times...both shots hit her in the back of the head..She fell to the floor...Dead!

The killer walked into the apartment...Found some bleach and wiped the gun down.... Calmly put the bleach away..Then they left..

The killer walked a few blocks away and dropped the gun in the trash bin and kept walking...

The woman who had been the funniest person at Josie's tonight would heckle no more..

(TO BE CONTINUED)


4 comments:

Toni said...

WOWWWW! She got capped!

Angie B. said...

Sometimes people just push people too far!

Sunflower said...

I don't think the Comedian did it...That would be too obvious!

Anonymous said...

Ouuuuuuuuuuuu Standing and Applauding and Throwing My Panties and Bra!