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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Escapades (No Pun Intended)


Heaven- Right now.

Michael, God's number one angel...the one he calls on when heavy duty work is needed sat at the table with a very disgruntled angel named Ariel.

"What is it Ariel? Why are you so disgruntled" He said...

"I want to know why does he love them so?" said the very disgruntled angel.

"Who are you talking about? The Big Cheese?" said Michael.

"Well not just him..but his son, J.C. Why do they love them? He does everything for them and they take it for granted..They have free will, something we only have for a few hours of the day, they have sunshine, fresh air and an entire world that they have dominion over...and yet these ungrateful humans act like a bunch of park apes on most days." He said in disgust."

"There is a reason , you know that they always have a divine reason and that reason is good enough for me...I swear Ariel...sometimes you talk like you work for......you know..old hot foot."
said Michael...

"No..perish the thought...but for all that is done for these humans, some of them have the nerve
to not even believe in him despite everything in their world that proves he exists beyond a doubt..everything they can't reproduce themselves like sunshine, rain, the oceans, wind...and even themselves....They think that cloning is it...but even to do that, they need the original life force that comes from , well you know..The Almighty!" said Ariel.

Michael smiled at him....and gently said..."If you wait just a minute..I will show you something."

"No , you wait a minute Mike...let me show YOU something." he said as he flicked on a Flat Screen Television.-

"Well ,Mabel Jenkins...We finnally meet....You wanna take that gun offa me honey..I might get nervous..shoot Clerow in his nuts...or shoot your little sister right between the eyes...""Lawd jesus..." sighed Clerow.Just then came another voice coming from down the hall-"Victoria honey....it's me...John...I gotta talk to you..." said John Struthers"Why you cheatin bastard.." snapped Victoria..She turned from Clerow and Cora Beth and fired two rounds over his head...."Sweet Jesusssssss..." said Pastor John Struthers as he turned and tried to run...She fired another round and ran and ducked behind the couch....that loose round hit him in his right butt cheek...'WHoooooaaaaaaaaaaa lawwwwddddddddd, ah been shot again....woman you crazyy...you crazzy..." screamed the Pastor as he hit the floor...Deacon Weatherford attempted to help him up...This gave Mabel all the time she needed to fire a nice well placed round into Victoria's arm and drop her where she stood..."Agggggghhhhhh, crazy bitch...I'm your sister....""My What?" said Mabel"Our what?" asked Cora Beth Then another voice rang out-"That's right girls...it's all true" It was Sweet Dick Jenkins...Victoria fired one more shot...It hit Sweet Dick in his thigh, close to but not quite at his prize possession.....He let out a yell-"Whooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Nellllllyy......ohhhhhhh lawwwwd, you crazy girl....Mabel...shoot her again...she done shot her father....Whoaaaanellly...awwwww lawwwwwd..it hurt...it...hurts....ohhhhhhhhh sweet jeeesussss..."

Ariel shut the TV off. "Look at that...She shot her sister ,who she never even met and then shot
her Father, their father...who didn't bother to tell them that they were related...then thaat sinful man got the nerve to call JC's name...He never thought of him before he got shot." He spat.

"Ariel, The reconciled..they are all good now...You need to stop being so judgemental, you're bordering on commiting a sin yourself." said Micheal.

"Hmmph...well look at this...and he's a Pastor..someone who is supposed to prepare the world for us.He never met a woman in church or anywhere else that he didn't try to deflower...Oh my will you just look at him!!" spat Ariel as he turned the Television on to another channel-

"oohh..ohhhhhh gawdddddd...ohhhhh reverend...me sooooo hornyyy...me love you so lonnngg,so lonnnng...longg timmmeee..ouuuuuuuuuu...ohhhhhhhh reverend.....bless me....ohhhh...."came the voice from inside the room...

Just then the door to the room opened and a very voluptuous Asian girl ,wearing only a Yellow Babydoll peeked out....A tall thin Black man wearing absolutely nothing came to the door behind her... It was Reverend John Struthers!!!!"Kevin? Kevin is that you?" He asked astonished."Pastor Struthers??" I exclaimed in shock."Uh...Uh er ruh..Ah haven't seen you in church lately." he said."I'll be sure to be there this Sunday Pastor." I said."Uh, er..uh...I was just paying this young woman a visit....She needed counseling..a laying on of hands , uh,you understand?" said Reverend Struthers."Yes...I..I perfectly understand Pastor." I said."Well ,it's cold out here Kevin...uh I'm goin on back into the room and I'll see you Sunday." he said and closed the door."No more...no more....I've loved you long time all night..me so tired...ohh, noo moree.."came the sound from inside the room.

"He disgusts me more than the others " said Ariel....

"You know Ariel....There is a thing called Grace and Mercy...and even the good reverend has time to make things right." Said Michael.

"You're just as bad as J.C. That sounds like something he would say." said Ariel..

"Watch your tone son." said Michael...

"Okay,Okay....Cool it Mike....This has got to be the worse ...the absolute worst example of human behavior ever...now peep this...." said Ariel , who snapped on the big 40 inch Flat screen
and turned up the sound...

My life is like one big porn movie....before I knew what was happeneing...we were in an embrace...Kissing and groping each other and stripping our clothes off... We fell into the bed..and she rode me like a horse...She was a little thicker than either Sissy or Corrine.. but not fat..she had a nice shape and a cute face..She was just a little bigger than the normal woman I went out with.We went at it hard..The legs on the bed collapsed.. We hardly noticed..we were still going at it hard, which was bad enough, but then the bed went through the floor and into the kitchen of Skillet Johnson who lived a floor below.. We landed on top of his kitchen table..He looked at me..and at Alice Pinkston..Neither of us had on any clothing..The bed had no legs on it..and there was a big hole in the ceiling....Skillet shook his head....

Ariel cut the tv off ....Then He looked at Michael with superior glee and proclaimed-

"Can't get no worse than that..A twice divorced lawyer who can't keep his pants up or his bed in the room...Now what have you got to show me that says I'm wrong about these disgusting humans?"
Said Ariel.

Michael went to a smaller screen and snapped it on.....and there in a church, with no one except the Deacon sat ex gangster ,Chris Thompson....In his time he sold drugs and he may have even taken a life. He was feared by many,even though he had willfully given up his drug trade...
He was telling Deacon Larry Weatherford-

"I've been bad all my life...It got to a point that I couldn't sleep at night Deac...
I know now that I've got to turn my life around...I've got to be a better man...
I think I can...but I need to know what I need to do.." said Chris Thompson.

"You're already doing it son..you're confessing your sins...You've already started
on your way....I wasn't always a Deacon you know...I had to take that first step..
When you're ready, when the spirit leads you...you'll take that step too." said
Deacon Larry Weatherford.

Micheal looked at a stunned Ariel and said -"That's why we love them...because even the worst
of them is capable of redemption...You got anything else to say Ariel?"

Ariel was speechless and remained that way for half of Eternity!


(For one of the best men I have had the pleasure of cyber meeting...
Brother SLC)

22 comments:

SLC said...

Man I'm honored. I've got more to say, but it's almost 12:30 a.m.

Loved the flashbacks, but more importantly the lesson. Some of my super holy friends are a little too hard on some people that aren't living up to their (not God's) standards. It's easy for me to preach and not judge 'cause I know what kind of mess I used to do. And quite frankly I enjoyed every bit of it, until it caught up with me; or more importantly "JC", my Savior caught me.

Anyway I'm proud to be Holy, non judgmental, and enjoying Escapades.
(Even when wet draws are flyin;)

Last Word:
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Galatians 6:1 KJV

Thanks Big Brother

Sean said...

Gotta be one of the best stories you've written to date..Loved this!

James Perkins said...

Great story man, Loved seeing some old friends....Hope these two new charactors return!

Toni said...

Let's see if I know my "Escapades"
trivia...Those were excerpts from
"Wang Dand Doodle Part II", "Last
Hand" and "The Sqeaking Bed" right?
Love this blog, loved this retrospective story!

Angie B. said...

What an innovative story,using practically all of your major storylines and mixing it with two new charactors!

Simon Bastion said...

Loved this story man,Loved it!

Sunflower said...

I have noticed that your writing has been taking on a spiritual note now of days with an emphasis on forgiveness and redemption. I like this!

Vanessa said...

Keith this was the business...Loved the flashbacks!

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Great story man!

Swaggie said...

This was drop down hillarious..The flashbacks had me rolling....but the seriousness of the message didn't escape me either. Great story!

Tate2 said...

I loved this story Keith...it was a wild one, but I perfectly got it!

Lisa said...

Keith this may go down as my favorite story so far...Great story,great message!

Halo said...

What do you do for an encore Keith?
This was an incredible story!

Cheryl said...

Now I'm standing and applauding!
Such a wonderful story with a great message at the end.

Brenda said...

I just enjoyed reading this so much,loved the flashbacks and the lesson at the end..Love all of your charactors..I feel like I know them.

Jazzy said...

This was a great story fam!

Captain Jack said...

Keith,I loved this story...You just out do yourself on this blog..

Anonymous said...

Standing and applauding and tossing my panties at the rooftops after reading this one!! The flashbacks were great...

AnonymousII said...

Why am I not surprised that some drawers had to be tossed?? This is getting ridiculous!

Blu Jewel said...

I feel this Keith. All too often, some get a little holier than necessary and forget where they; themselves came from.

Keep up the good work.

love to lvie; live to love!

Oyin said...

Dang...it is so coincidental that you wrote here about Mike the day before...I actually thought it was going to be a write up in his honor...but then I looked at the date...

Swaggie said...

Hey Keith,Where you been man? write something!