Friday, May 15, 2009

Nick Nacks and Patty Whacked

A week went by and not a thing was heard from my Private investigator friend, Ron January. I went by his house everyday and there was no sign that he had been there. You know something is wrong when mail begins piling up, unclaimed. I dialed his phone. All I got was his voicemail. I called his cell phone and his Blackberry..Nothing! I decided to find this lawyer, Robert Foxworth and find out what was going on.

The Apartment building was to my surprise..Very nice looking and well kept. I wasn't surprised. I knew Chess in High school. He was always immaculately dressed and he always did things orderly and well. If he owned these buildings..They were kept up right. I had called Chess early that morning and he had told me that Robert Foxworth's office had moved to another floor, while they repaired the hole in the floor of his former back apartment.

"Hole in the floor?" I said.

"Kevin ,man, you don't even want to know" said Chess. I heard his buddy, Chris Thompson laughing his ass off in the background.

When I got to the apartment, I took the elevator to the fourth floor... I heard the sound of a smack, as though someone was being hit with a paddle...

"Ohhhh...Ohhhhhhhh, spank me daddy..owwwww....oh my gooddness...spank me.."


"Who's yo daddy, Patty?"


"Ohhhhh John....Johnnnn, it's youuuuuu...spank me."


It seemed as though every apartment I went in...I was walking in on some hot sex...A man could
have a complex about this. Just then, the man I was looking for, Attorney Robert Foxworth came walking out of another apartment..Not the apartment the noise was coming from.

He was a good ten years older than me, tall, atheltic build..snappy dresser..The kind of man I'd imagine a woman like Sissy Van Buren would marry. He shook my hand when he saw me.

"You must be Kevin, Kevin Morris right?" I've been expecting you." he said.


"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...good gawddd! ,spank me pastor, spank me good."

Robert Foxworth seemed surprisingly embarrassed by the sounds coming from the apartment across from his ofice. Him? embarassed?? The man who was humping a woman so furiously his bed had gone through the floor?? I couldn't believe it. I struggled to hide my amusement.

"That damn racket has been going on all morning...I don't think that girl works... her name is Patty something or other and whoever that old man is..he must be on viagra ,cialis and red bull... All day and half of the evening with that." said Robert Foxworth. Again, I struggled to hide my amusement.

"I'm not bothered by my line of work it's normal." I said, trying to sound more like a detective than what I was..a Writer and a Blogger.

"I suppose you're here looking for Ron January...well , I can't help you..I haven't heard from him in a week. I've been calling and calling and he hasn't been answering his phone at home or his Blackberry or the cell phone that I gave him. I went by his house..The door was open, but he wasn't in. Funny...His car was parked outside the house. Ron didn't walk to the corner store..he drove his car." said Robert Foxworth.

"Yeah, I know....I saw him in Josie's about a week ago. he said he had to go...Somebody called him. Then he called me at 3:00 in the morning, drunk!" I said.

"Drunk?" said Robert Foxworth. "Ron didn't drink...I've never seen him take a drink."

"You're right counselor..but he didn't sound coherent at all.. He told me that he'd gotten a call about the big case you two are working on. The Sam Hawkins divorce case." I said.

"A call? I don't know who could have called him. He was supposed to be shadowing Mrs. Hawkins...Mr. Hawkins believes that she was cheating on him. that's cloak and dagger stuff like the kind of cases you handles." said Robert.

" where is he? I'm just concerned as a friend." I said.

"Yeah, well I'm concerned as a lawyer who needs some information on a case. I need to hear from him said Robert.


"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuu....spank me one mo time..."

"Come on Patty..I done spanked come on and give ole Rev some."

"I've had enough of all this racket" said Robert Foxworth who bammed his fists on the door hard
and yelled- "Quiet it down in there."

The door swung open and a very voluptious brown skinned girl in a pink baby doll that she was
trying to close yelled at him- I guess I could correctly assume that this was "Patty"

"Hey man, don't bam on mah door anymore." she said.

An older man came to the door.. He was nude except for his socks and said -

"Okay son, well keep it down."

I was incredulous upon seeing him!

"Pastor??? Reverend Struthers???" I said.

'Son, can I go nowhere, without running into you? My God.. I'm here trying to get the devil out of this here girl...I'm on a holy mission." he exclaimed.

I often wondered why his "missions" always included females. Young ,busty,pretty females!

"Son, as you can see ,I'm very if you don't mind..I hope to see you and that pretty wife of yours in church this Sunday." he said.

"You sure will Pastor" I said.

"That's your pastor?" asked Robert Foxworth

"Yeah" I said. Now it was his turn to conceal a laugh...

"Man, you don't even want to know" I said before he could say anything else.

Just then, his cell phone rang.

"Let me get this " he said.

"Mr. Hawkins?? Heyy, what's the matter? You alright?? We'll be over!" he said, looking like he'd
seen a ghost!

"What's up?" I asked.

"Come on, we'll take my car...Mr. Hawkins sounded like he was sick.." he said.

We got in his car, a 2009 BMW with a drop top...It drove smooth,almost as smooth as my ride. We sped over to Samuel Hawkins house... When we got there, the door was open.. I pulled my pistol and entered first.. We found Samuel Hawkins lying on the floor in the living room gasping for air.. and seemingly having convulsions..

'Robert, call 911...quick" I said.

I heard the back door close and heard a car pulling off.. I ran to the back just in time to see the dust blowing up as a car I could barely make out went flying down the back driveway...

The rescue guys got there in time to save Samuel Hawkin's life...They resecitated him twice and put him in an induced coma... Robert and I followed him to the hospital and we sat with outside his room.

"There goes my case..damn, I sure could've used that money." he said.

"Man, somebody tried to kill him...Is this case just about a wife cheating on her husband?"
I asked Robert.

"Yeah...well...uh, there is a lot of money involved...He owns a bunch of check cashing and fried
chicken joints...He's loaded....His wife stands to lose a lot of money if he divorces her..If he dies and they still married, well know the deal." said Robert.

"Then let's go pay wifey a visit!" I said.

"Tonight?" he said.

"Nah..tomorrow...I doubt that she's going anywhere. Drop me off at my car and I'll see you in the
morning." I said.



Anonymous said...

I am officially hooked. I've been going through the archives getting myself familiarized with the characters. Great stuff!!

Anonymous said...

Spank me...Now that really got me hot!

Toni said...

Keith!!! You're killin me-lololol.

Vanessa said...

Gettin Good..Loved that title and that side story!

Sunflower said...

Please do a story with the randy
Pastor Struthers one day!!-lolololol

Angie B. said...

Just shaking my head!ROFLMAO!

Tate2 said...

I'm surprised that somebodies panties aren't flying in the air this morning..Great story and nice little side story...

Lisa said...

Kevin and Robert Foxworth working together!!! I love it!

Halo said...

Kevin and Robert together and a cameo from Chess and Chris..It doesn't get better than that!

James Perkins said...

Okay..We have a rich man who thinks his wife is cheating on him, a lot of money could possibly be lost(by the wife) and now the Private Eye vanishes..I've got a theory here, but I'm going to keep it to myself.

Simon Bastion said...

Great story and nice interplay between some of our favorite charactors.

Jazzy said...

I'm like Bored and Talkative, completely hooked Fam!

Grover Tha Playboy said...

I wonder if the Private Eye and the Wife have run off together!
They off the husband and split the
money?? Just my theory!

Swaggie said...

Man, another Kevin mystery..I love it. Hey Where is "Big Nasty"?? Haven't seen her in awhile.

Cheryl said...

A Private Eye vanishes, The Husband nearly dies...Great stuff and some spanking thrown in too??
Who could ask for more?-lololol

Sean said...

All I can say is ...The first two installments have me hooked...I have no idea what the next installments are going to do...but I'll be there.

Brenda said...

I loved this Keith..Love the cameos with Chess, Chris and really like Kevin working with Robert..This sounds good.

Captain Jack said...

Great Story Keith, Can't wait until tonight at midnight when the next one loads.

Blu Jewel said...

Sorry, I'm late catching up; was taking a slight leave from the Net for the weekend.

Yet another Pimp in the Pulpit!!1

love to live; live to love!