Dearly Beloved

I stood in the parking lot that was directly across the street from the church waiting for Fathead.
It was his wedding day, unbelievable as that was. The Biggie Smalls look alike was fumbling with something in his car. I chuckled..Nerves, I suppose.

I stood and watched the virtual who's who of people going in the church. There was my childhood friend ,Kevin and his lovely wife,Sepia. Kevin was a writer and a blogger now and a sometimes Private investigator. He was pretty good. He had always been smart as a whip..even when we were kids. His co-worker and associate, Sean Jackson and his girlfriend Sheila brought up the rear. Sean was a photographer...He worked at the same magazine that Kevin worked at..so did his girlfriend Sheila. Then there was my business associate and co-owner of apartment complexes, Clerow and his foxy wife, Cora-Beth and their little daughter, who was the same age as my son. Cora-beth's equally foxy older sister, Mabel Jenkins arrived with her boyfriend...my main man and church organist, "88". They had another fine sister....a little bit older named Victoria. Victoria used to be married to the Preacher, Reverend John Struthers..Now she was married to the Deacon, Larry Weatherford..wonder how THAT worked out.

My other childhood friends, Paris and Blake turned up with two new foxes...Man, these guys kept good looking women. Attorney Robert Foxworth and his ex-wife, Corrine was there , as was
Anita Jenkins, Mabel,Cora beth and Victoria's youngest sister and some tall Basketball player, she was obviously dating also arrived. Another Attorney I knew named Conrad and His Wife and Gus the bartender at Josie's and Honey Brown were the last of the guests that I knew to show up. No sign of Chris, though I know he was either already in the church or planning to make a cool ,yet grand entrance.

I looked at my watch and finnally Fathead showed up.

"Damn man..I thought that maybe you got cold feet or somethin." I laughed.

"Oh No, nah man..I'm ready..ready to be an honest man." he joked. We looked at each other and laughed our heads off.

"Oh Chess...check it out...My guys hadn't found Mingus yet and so, I thought about what you said..and I called the hit off. No need to start my big day out with any drama." said Fathead.

"Good man..you did the right thing." I said.

Just as I said that..a Black Jaguar drove up and cut us off as we were about to cross the street.
It was...who else?Mingus, sporting the fat lip I gave him and a swollen eye...also courtesy of yours truly...

"Well...Well ..Well if it aint the would be hard guy,Chess and Bitch ass Fathead." said his cheif Lieutenant.. a relatively new player known only as "Oatmeal." He got the nickname when he was in the joint..I couldn't begin to guess why. He was supposed to be a tough guy..So was a lot of people.

"Come on man...We can do this another day..We on our way to a wedding." I said, not wanting to get into anything in front of the church and with all these people around, yet knowing that these
two guys could have cared less.

"How bout we don't?" said Mingus.

"HOW BOUT YOU DO?" came a very familiar voice.

"Chris? Chris Thompson??? is that you??" said Mingus, suddenly filled with fear and dread.

"You were expecting Barack Obama?" said Chris who was decked out in a fabulously fly and impecablely neat suit.

"Uh...ruh...well uh.. You know, that's a great suit Chris..you always uh did have good tastes man...aint that right Oatmeal?" mumbled Mingus.. Oatmeal said nothing.

"Mingus my man...what's the matter,cat got your tongue? Now...you are going to call it even with my boy Chess here and let by gones be by gones right?" said Chris.

Oatmeal apparently didn't agree.

"Yo man..I know who you used to be playa and I don't care. What you need to do is fall back,for real, for real..ya know...This aint none of your business."

Chris smiled that kilowat smile of his....

"What's this? I hear somebody talkin, but I don't see nobody." he said. Then he walked up to Oatmeal and slugged him in the stomach...Oatmeal folded like a tent....Chris then grabbed him in the collar and bounced his head off of the side of a parked car....Oatmeal hit the pavement and was wimpering like a baby..

"Owwwww, uhhhhh,that hurttttt mannnnn...ummmmphhh..."

"How bout it Mingus? Is the beef squashed or what?" asked Chris, not raising his voice above a whisper.

'Sho..sho...it's a done deal Chris...Hey Fathead, good luck on your wedding man, She's a finne,fine girl..Really..Look.uh..heyyy..I was just gettin ready to bounce man....Come on Oatmeal, what you
layin on the ground for?? Get up and let's get to the car man." said Mingus as he helped Oatmeal up and they scurried to their car.

"Nice meetin ya Oatmeal...maybe next time we can have breakfast..ya know?" said Chris as Fathead and I looked down at the ground..trying hard not to laugh..

"Sometimes you do it on your name and rep alone ,then other times, you gotta demonstrate" laughed Chris, who rarely ever resorted to violence. It was known to a man that he was not one to mess with...Someone forgot to give Oatmeal the memo. Now he knew.

"Alright fellas ...let's go to a wedding." I said.

"Dearly beloved.....We are gathered here today...and ah did say today...not tiddy, so get yo minds out of the gutter...We are gathered here today to join this man..Arthur Felonious Newton in holy matrimony with Marsha Lynnette Mason.....Marriage is an institution that should be entered into with a clear heart, a clear mind and most of all soberly. I was sober myself until about an hour ago...when I imbibed a little too much of the communion wine, but
uh anyway...it is said that he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing....I know this...I had a fine young thing....curves every which a way...gave me much pleasure in the marital bed...GLORRRRYYY!!!! Yes...Yes...yes...sir...yes sir....but we are not together today....today she is giving the deacon that pleasure that she once giveth to me....Marsha..make sure that you only giveth your pleasure to yo husssband...and girl you look like you give some-


"PaSTOR!!!" screamed one of the other deacons.

"OHH..uH YAS...iF THERE IS ANYONES WHO has any reason why these two..Arthur Felonious Newton ,known to the world as "Fathead" and Marsha Lynette Mason , lawd girl you
got a rack on you...ummmph..ummph...ummmmph...Mah lawd...GLORRRYY!!!! Should not be wed in Holy matrimony...let him speak now or forever hold his peace....By that I mean the peace that cometh from above...Not your peice....Holster yo weapons boys....Uh, ruh....By the powers
invested in me by the state of Pennsylvania and President Barack Obama....I now pronounce you Husband and Wife...you may kiss the bride....before I do...Lawd have mercy..GLORRRY!!
The doors of the church are now open...if you don't know him....join tomorrow..now is not the
time."

Chris ,who was thinking of joining the church looked at me and I looked at my friend, Kevin ,who was mortified....He had suggested the church and the Pastor, John Struthers. His wife Sepia was
rubbing his shoulders as he hung his head, almost in shame. Attorney Robert Foxworth was laughing outright at what he had just heard....as well he should have.

Fathead and Marsha didn't care..they were still kissing and deep throating each other at the alter..They had to be seperated and told to walk to the receiving line.... Rell and my son had come and were sitting in the back row....From a distance ,I saw Cherry Johnson....weeping and crying.....No one else noticed her. This was supposed to be her day....or so she thought.
These were definitely not tears of joy.

(Conclusion Next-)