I could not believe it, there I was sitting in a jail cell...with only an old hand me down overcoat on that the arresting officer had gotten from somewhere to give me. He and his partners were snickering and laughing the entire time they were taking me down to the station. The jail cell was small and the toilet smelled like generations of urine had been deposited in it. The guy sitting next to me was drunk and smelled like he had never heard of the word bath or shower.
You can imagine how good I felt when the officer came to the cell and called my name..."Sean
Jackson??...Someone's here for you...you've been sprung." I leaped up pulled the overcoat around me and quickly followed the officer down the hallway and to the booking desk. My best friend and Attorney, Conrad Young was standing there, snickering along with the other policemen and the clerks.
"Man, you sure know how to get yourself into some situations..."
"yeah and out of his clothes" snickered a clerk, which started a crescendo of laughing, hooping
and hollering. Hard to believe that these were Philadelphia's finest...They sounded like a bunch of college frat boys..laughing and having a good time at my expense.
"Yeah, yeah ,yeah..." I said- "Conrad ,did you bring me some clothes?" I asked.
"Of course" He said and he handed me pants, shirt, sosks, drawers ,undershirt and shoes.
I hastily got dressed and after Conrad paid my bail..We left and got into his Lexus SUV and pulled off. As we headed to route 76 , the expressway, I laid back and flicked on the radio...."Me and Baby Brother" by War was playing and I just layed my head back and tried to forget the past few days and the last night.
We said nothing the entire ride.....Conrad was laughing too hard...and I was too damn mad..
We stopped in a diner and we both ordered two tumblers of Orange Juice, and Two Coffees. I
ordered some Steak and Eggs and Conrad ordered a Western Omelette, Hash brown potatoes,
Bacon and a Mimosa.
"Okay brother, you gotta tell me what happened " said Conrad, trying hard not
to choke on his food.
If I recall, it started a few days before I finnally got next to Sheila. I had been e-mailing and
texting and instant messaging Sheila ever since the day I met her , begging and pleading with her to let me take her out, to come over to my condo, to let me take her to lunch...It was bordering on sexual harrassment. She kept telling me that one day we would make a date...but
she would never get back to me.
Finnally, On her birthday I had a dozen roses sent to her office and a dozen more waiting for her when she got home..I still didn't hear from her so I figured that she was a lost cause.
The next night, I had that cute new temp over my house and we were goin at it for close to two
hours...I was surprised that she was still there when I woke up the next morning.
At lunch time, that cute and sexy photographer who worked on one of the stories at the magazine came over and we had a little "session" too...and then we returned to work.
You can imagine my surprise when around 9:00 pm that night...I'm sitting on my couch alone watching Sports Center when the doorbell rings.....
It's Sheila!!!!! She's wearing a Beige Trench coat (In July??? on a 90 degree night????) She
stood there then she said- "Aren't you going to let me in?" I fumbled with the door and let her in.
"Gotta be careful with this door.....if you don't have your key, it'll slam and you'll be locked
out. I've been meaning to fix that...but come on in." I said.
Underneath the trenchcoat she had on black stiletto heels, black thigh high pantyhose with
garters that were connected to a black bustier!!! She was a freak!!! Oh thank you Lord....I thought.
"I don't usually do this for anybody, but you've been sweatin me so tough and I really
liked the roses , I figured you must be a nice guy... I decided to surprise you." she said.
It took me no time to turn the television off , dim the lights and get butt naked!! We were going to rock the house tonight!!!!
We started passionately kissing....I began ravishing her and I lifted her up and placed
her on my kitchen sink..As I kissed her neck....I noticed that her eyes grew as big as saucers.
She worked her way down to the floor..began kissing me some more and slowly glided me to the
door.
She then pushed me out the door and locked it! "You nasty dog" she said through the window!
"Heyyyyy, sayyyyyyy...what did you do?? What did you do...you crazy bitch,open
this door....I'm naked...open this door....what the sam hill is wrong with you????Heyyyyyy!"
Next thing I know, the police come and I'm standing outside my own house in my birthday
suit, erect as a tree trunk with no way to prove my identity or that I actually live here. Plus,
I'm Black...this is a predominately white neighborhood and I don't look like I can afford to live
here. I'm screwed twice without being screwed.....
Hours later as I sit with Conrad in that diner munching on my food and sipping coffee, it
dawns on me what she saw on that floor....a used condom.....a used condom from lunchtime that
I didn't bother to dispose of...
Oh my God...Is that what made her go off???????????
You can imagine how good I felt when the officer came to the cell and called my name..."Sean
Jackson??...Someone's here for you...you've been sprung." I leaped up pulled the overcoat around me and quickly followed the officer down the hallway and to the booking desk. My best friend and Attorney, Conrad Young was standing there, snickering along with the other policemen and the clerks.
"Man, you sure know how to get yourself into some situations..."
"yeah and out of his clothes" snickered a clerk, which started a crescendo of laughing, hooping
and hollering. Hard to believe that these were Philadelphia's finest...They sounded like a bunch of college frat boys..laughing and having a good time at my expense.
"Yeah, yeah ,yeah..." I said- "Conrad ,did you bring me some clothes?" I asked.
"Of course" He said and he handed me pants, shirt, sosks, drawers ,undershirt and shoes.
I hastily got dressed and after Conrad paid my bail..We left and got into his Lexus SUV and pulled off. As we headed to route 76 , the expressway, I laid back and flicked on the radio...."Me and Baby Brother" by War was playing and I just layed my head back and tried to forget the past few days and the last night.
We said nothing the entire ride.....Conrad was laughing too hard...and I was too damn mad..
We stopped in a diner and we both ordered two tumblers of Orange Juice, and Two Coffees. I
ordered some Steak and Eggs and Conrad ordered a Western Omelette, Hash brown potatoes,
Bacon and a Mimosa.
"Okay brother, you gotta tell me what happened " said Conrad, trying hard not
to choke on his food.
If I recall, it started a few days before I finnally got next to Sheila. I had been e-mailing and
texting and instant messaging Sheila ever since the day I met her , begging and pleading with her to let me take her out, to come over to my condo, to let me take her to lunch...It was bordering on sexual harrassment. She kept telling me that one day we would make a date...but
she would never get back to me.
Finnally, On her birthday I had a dozen roses sent to her office and a dozen more waiting for her when she got home..I still didn't hear from her so I figured that she was a lost cause.
The next night, I had that cute new temp over my house and we were goin at it for close to two
hours...I was surprised that she was still there when I woke up the next morning.
At lunch time, that cute and sexy photographer who worked on one of the stories at the magazine came over and we had a little "session" too...and then we returned to work.
You can imagine my surprise when around 9:00 pm that night...I'm sitting on my couch alone watching Sports Center when the doorbell rings.....
It's Sheila!!!!! She's wearing a Beige Trench coat (In July??? on a 90 degree night????) She
stood there then she said- "Aren't you going to let me in?" I fumbled with the door and let her in.
"Gotta be careful with this door.....if you don't have your key, it'll slam and you'll be locked
out. I've been meaning to fix that...but come on in." I said.
Underneath the trenchcoat she had on black stiletto heels, black thigh high pantyhose with
garters that were connected to a black bustier!!! She was a freak!!! Oh thank you Lord....I thought.
"I don't usually do this for anybody, but you've been sweatin me so tough and I really
liked the roses , I figured you must be a nice guy... I decided to surprise you." she said.
It took me no time to turn the television off , dim the lights and get butt naked!! We were going to rock the house tonight!!!!
We started passionately kissing....I began ravishing her and I lifted her up and placed
her on my kitchen sink..As I kissed her neck....I noticed that her eyes grew as big as saucers.
She worked her way down to the floor..began kissing me some more and slowly glided me to the
door.
She then pushed me out the door and locked it! "You nasty dog" she said through the window!
"Heyyyyy, sayyyyyyy...what did you do?? What did you do...you crazy bitch,open
this door....I'm naked...open this door....what the sam hill is wrong with you????Heyyyyyy!"
Next thing I know, the police come and I'm standing outside my own house in my birthday
suit, erect as a tree trunk with no way to prove my identity or that I actually live here. Plus,
I'm Black...this is a predominately white neighborhood and I don't look like I can afford to live
here. I'm screwed twice without being screwed.....
Hours later as I sit with Conrad in that diner munching on my food and sipping coffee, it
dawns on me what she saw on that floor....a used condom.....a used condom from lunchtime that
I didn't bother to dispose of...
Oh my God...Is that what made her go off???????????
4 comments:
LMAO!! LMAO!! Now see Sheila missed out! SHe should hit and quit it!!
With a NEW condom of course
-OG
now Sheila know she was wrong for that one,lol
she had nerve, hell at least you used protection shyss!!
hope that you have a good weekend Keith!!
LMAO- I loved this story...You sure that this was made up?
LOL! Very VIVID story-telling, my Brotha. And Miss Sheila is WILLLLLE!
LOL.
One.
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