Hoppin John Struthers

I do not like The Reverend Dr. Brother Pastor John L. Struthers. I have never liked him..See I know his kind...He's a borderline pimp. He didn't just happen to drop by my Mabel's house last night when she was fixin her bangin biscuits..That was a trick booty call. Oh I see the way he looks at her...a little longer than he oughta...bein a man of the cloth an all and the way he licks his lips when she walks by...and all those sly comments he makes like-

"Lawdddd today Sistah Jenkins...
you are blessed....yesssss lawd...
heh-heh-he..if I was twenty years younger-"
And my Mabel would always cut him off by saying-

"An not MARRIED pastor-"

To which that old fist licking pimp ass fake preacher would cough and get himself together and
go....

"heh, heh, heh...but of course..."

I couldn't stand him... Just the reason why I gave his wife an anonymous call the other night and told her where he had been and what he was trying to do...She burst into tears...but I know
her...she aint gonna just cry...I seen what she did to Sister Betty Johnson.....Caught Betty sitting\
on his lap, had her hand down his pants...Reverend Brother Dr. Pastor Struthers was just moaning....eyes rolling in the back of his head. when Sister Struthers run up on em and beat her
to within an inch of her life.. She's still in the hospital and that was a month ago.
Not long afterwords, I heard she started taking up with Clerow...Good for him...Clerow needs someone to take his mind off of my Mabel.

Let me tell you what happened at the Church Potluck...Me and Mabel walked in..She had her
Fried Chicken and her bangin biscuits on two seperate trays.. There was good food to be had everywhere...Anybody who knew anything about cookin in the church had brought some kind of food. I knew that I would put on about ten pounds today..All that good food.

Clerow was there...Eating and laughing with some of the church sisters...Mabel looked at him and he looked at her for a minute, then they each turned away. Just then Pastor Struthers rubbed up against Mabel- "Lawdddd jesus sistah Jenkins...You sho gotta nice soft rum-----
ughh ..ahhh rum cake there on that table...heh..heh..heh..."

"Oh I didn't make that Rum Cake Pastor....Sister Monique Hooks made that." said Mabel

"Yassss,Sistah Monique...she is a blessin..yass sirrrr, she is a stone cold..ughh, ughhh...
anyway...That's some dress you have on there Sister Jenkins."

"Pastor, no disrespect but I think you should be concentrating on the food."

"I'm concentrating on how well that dress is fitting those hips of yours...
ummmph...ummmph..ummph..."

"Pastor where is your wife?" asked Mabel...

That question was answered quick.......a popping sound was heard....then a flash.....It seemed
as if the room grew silent.....The Reverend Brother Dr. John Struthers felt a burning pain in his
right butt cheek...He leaped up in the air and yelled-

" OHHHHHH.......OHHHHHH lawd baby jesus, matthew, mark, luke, john, ralph, hezzekiah walker, puff daddy, JIGGGA!!!! AH been shot...OHHHHHHH....."

He leaped around in a frenzy.....Sanctified Mary, never one to let the spirit move someone else
better than her thought that he was shouting and she began her holiness dance....she began hollering-
"JIGGGGAAAA , what's my name? What's my name , aggghhhhhhhhhhh."

Her cheif shouting rival, Deacon Leroy Weatherford began shouting too-

"Well alrighttt......get up on the downstroke...everybody get up......
matthew ,mark,luke, john, kirk franklin..hot dangg it...FLASHLIGHT....RED LIGHT....Well
Alright now." (We all were into somethin before we got saved..Deacon Leroy was in Funkadelic.)

Reverend Brother Dr. Pastor John Struthers looked on at his flock and said something rather
un holy for that Sunday-

"WILL YOU NEGROES STOP ALL THIS FOOLISHNESS AN
CALL 911, my ass has been shot."
Then he collapsed.

I looked on at Clerow, who looked like the cat who had swallowed the canary....I grabbed Mabel and hustled her out of there....what a mess.

Epilouge-
Reverend Brother Dr. Pastor John Struthers will live....He will just have a hard time sitting down for quite a while. The bullet left quite a hole in his right butt cheek. The mysterious woman
who shot him has NOT Been found.

Clerow sat outside the church in his car, laughing to himself- "One down....one to go."